Beflhwh nana, Boraxwh hana

BeflHWH nana, BoraxwH Hana


39


noDyfflKO. Bm, po6aTa, y^HTOCD d mKono, h^oto d aa anannflMH.

Hayny Dac, KaK ho nonacTb d noDyfflKy”.

BoT TaK H npoaDHHHCb ^parMeHTH ronoDonoMKH. Moh dhcokoo6- paaoDaHHHH oTe^ HMen oTHHHHoe o6pa3oDaHHe, npeKpacHyra Kapbepy. Ho fflKona HHKor,^a He paccKa3HDana eMy, KaK o6xo,aHTbca c ^enbraMH HHH co cdohmh cTpaxaMH. CTano acno, hto a Mor nayHHTbca pa3HHM h Da^HHM De^aM y cdohx 2-x ot^od.

“Th roDopHH o cTpaxe HeHMeHHa ^ener. A KaK ^enaHHe ^eHer dhh- aeT Ha naffle MHfflneHHe?” - cnpocHH MaHK.

“KaK DH ce6a HyDcTDoDanH, Kor,aa a HcKyfflan Dac noDHffleHHeM ^anoDaHHa?” - cnpocHH 6oraTHH oTe^. - “Bh 3aMeTHHH, KaK cTanH pac-

TH DafflH ^enaHHa?”

Mh KHDHyHH TohodoH.

“Ho, He noA^aDfflHcb cdohm omo^hsm, dh cmofhh npH^ep^aTb cdoh peaK^HH H mhchh. 3to Hpe^DHHaHno Da^no. V Hac Dcer,aa 6y,ayT TaKHe omo^hh, KaK cTpax h ^a^HocTb. BaM Ha^o, h oto oHeHb Da^no, Hcnonb3oDaTb oth omo^hh d cdom nonb3y h Ha ^HHTenbHHH cpoK, a He no3DoHHTb 3THM DafflHM OMo^HSM ynpaDHSTb DaMH. KoHTpoHHpya Daffle MHfflneHHe. EonbfflHHcTDo Hra,aeH Hcnonb3yeT cTpax h ^a^HocTb npoTHD caMHx ce6a. C OToro HaHHHaeTca HeDe^ecTDo. EonbfflHHcTDo Hra,aeH npo^HDaeT cdoh ^h3hh, ronaacb 3a ^ene^HHMH HeKaMH, noDHffleHHeM ^anoDaHHa h hohckom Ha^e^HoH pa6oTH, nonyKaeMHe cTpaxoM h ^enaHHeM, ne oco6o ^a^aDaacb dohpocom, a Ky,aa, coGcTDenno, (oth) mhchh, yHpaDHaeMHe othmh omo^hsmh (cTpaxoM h ^enaHHeM) De^yT hx. CHTya^Ha HaHoMHHaeT KapTHHKy c ochom, Ta^a^HM Tene^Ky, h c Do3HH^eH, KoTopHH co5na3HaeT ocna mopkodkoh, GonTaffl^eHca na De- peDoHKe, Hepe^ ero hocom. BnaAene^ oc^HKa, Mo^eT 5HTb, naHpaDna- eTca Ty,aa, Ky,aa xoHeT, ho ochhk ronaeTca 3a HHHffl3HeH. A 3aDTpa flna ocHHKa 5y,aeT e^e o^Ha MopKoDKa”.

“Bh xoTHTe cKa3aTb, hto Tor,aa, Kor,aa a d cdo^m Doo5pa^eHHH cTan pHcoDaTb HoDHe 5eHc5oHbHHe HepHaTKH, KoH^eTH H HrpyfflKH, 3to cTano Mena TeM ^e, HeM MopKoDKa ocna?” - chpochh a.

“fla”, - cKa3a^ 5oraTHH oTe^. “A 5y,aefflb pacTH, tdoh HrpyfflKH cTanyT 5onee ^oporHMH. HoDaa MafflHHa, no,aKa, 5onbffloH ^om, hto5h HpoH3DecTH DHeHaTHeHHe Ha cdohx ^py3eH. CTpax cTaneT rnaTb Te5a, ^enaHHe oDna^eeT to5oH. Ohh HonecyT Te5a na ck^^h. Bot ona noDyfflKa”.

“HeDe^ecTDo Ho,^KapMHHDaeT cTpax h ^enaHHe. Bot HoHeMy h 5oraTHe Hra,aH c KyHeH ^ener HacTo Ho,^Dep^eHH TeM 5onbffleMy cTpaxy, HeM 5oraHe ona cTanoDaTca. flenbrH - MopKoDKa, HHHffl3Ha. Echh 5h ocen Mor DH^eTb dcm KapTHHKy, oh 5h Mor Hepe^yMaTb ronaTbca 3a MopKoDKoH”.

EoraTHH oTe^ Hpo^oH^a^ o^bacnaTb, hto HenoDeHecKaa ^H3Hb - 3to 5opb5a Me^^y HeDe^ecTDoM h HpocDe^eHHocTbra, HpocDeTneHHeM. Oh pa3bacHHH, hto KaK TonbKo HenoDeK HpeKpa^aeT HcKaTb HH^opMa^Hra H 3HaHH3 ce5a, to HoHa^aeT d ceTH HeDe^ecTDa. B otoH 5opb5e



40

negxep


Po5epx T. KHOcaKH, 0apoH


HeaoBeKOM npHHHMaexca Ba^HeHmee peraeHHe - HayHHXbca hh oh OTKpHBaXb HHH 3aKpHBaXb CBOe CO3HaHHe.

“CayraaHxe, yne5a Onenb, Onenb Ba^na. Bh H^eTe b raKOay HOay-

HaTb 3HaHHH, HaBHKH HpO^eCCHH - ^^5h CTaTb HOHe3HHM HHeHOM O5^ecTBa. Ka^^Oe O5^eCTBO ny^^aeTCa b yHHTeaax, BpaHax, MexaHH- Kax, xy,aO^HHKax, HOBapax, 5H3HeCMenax, HO^apHHx, COH^aTax. Ch^ph- aabHHe yHpe^^eHHa BOCHHTHBaraT hx, 5aarO,aapa HeMy naraa KyabTypa MO^eT HpeyCHeBaTb h paCpBeTaTb”, - CKa^aa 5OraTHH OTep. “K co- ^aaeHHra, mhothx ara,aeH, raKoaa, yHe5a - 3to Konep, a He naHaao”.

BopapHaacb ^oaraa THraHHa. EoraTHH OTep yaH^aaca. ^ He hohhh Bcero, HTO OH CKa3aa b otot ^enb.

Ho, KaK H Bce BeaHKHe yHHTeaa, HbH caoBa yHaT CKBO3b ro,aa, yHaT Tor,aa, Kor,aa caMHx yHHTeaeH ^aBHO HeT, moH 5oraTHH OTep, ero caoBa ^HByT BO MHe, yHaT Mena ho ceH ^enb.

“^ 5hh HeMHoro ^ecTOK cero,aHa”, - CKa3aa 5oraTHH OTep. “flaa 3TOTO eCTb HpHHHHa. ^ xOHy, HTo5h BH HaBCer,aa 3aHOMHHHH 3TOT pa3- roBop. ^ xoHy, hto5h HpHMep mhcchc MapTHH Bcer,aa CToaa y Bac Hepe^ raa3aMH. ^ xoHy, hto5h bh Bcer,aa homhhhh o5 ocae. HHKor^a He 3a5HBaHTe o5 otom, TaK KaK ^Be BaraH omophh - CTpax h ^eaaHHe, MoryT 3aBaeHb Bac b caMyra KpyHHyra ^H3HeHHyra aoByraKy, ecaH bh HO3BoaHTe HM KOHTpOHHpOBaTb Barae MHraaeHHe. OHeHb MyHHTeabHO HOTpaTHTb Baray ^H3Hb, ^hbk b CTpaxe, He naH^a CBoeH m^hth. ycep^HO Tpy,aHTca Ha AeHbTH, Hoaaraa, hto ^enbTH Aa^yT Te5e Be^H, KOTopHe c^eaaraT Te5a

CHaCTHHBHM, - TaK ^e ^eCTOKO, MyHHTeabHO. HpOCHHaTbCa Cpe^H HOHH B cTpaxe, HTO Ha^o HaaTHTb ho cHeTaM - HpocTo y^acHo, oTBpaTHTeabHo. Hpo^HTb ^H3Hb, KOTopyra 5y,aeT ^HKTOBaTb pa3Mep ^ene^Horo HeKa, 3HaHHTb He ^HTb BOBce. flyMaTb, HTO pa5oTa ^acT Te5e HyBCTBo 5e3OHacHoCTH - BpaTb caMOMy ce5e. 3to Bce oHeHb MyHHTeabHo, h a ne

xOHy, eCHH 3TO BO3MO^HO, HTo5h BH H35e^aHH 3TOH aOByraKH. ^ BH^ea, HTO ^eaaraT ^enbTH c HeaoBeHecKHMH ^h3hkmh, yHpaBaaa hmh. He ^aHTe 3TOMy HpoH3oHTH c BaMH. Ho^aayHcTa, He HO3BoabTe ^enbraM yHpaBaaTb BaraeH ^H3Hbra”.

Co^T5oabHHH MKH 3aKaTHHca HO^ CToa. EoraTHH OTep HO,aHaa ero H 5pOCHH o5paTHO.

“A KaK HeBe^ecTBO CBa^ano c ^a^HOCTbra h CTpaxoM b ^h3hh?” - CHpOCHH a.

“HeBe^ecTBeHHoe oTHoraeHHe k ^enbraM Hopo^^aeT ^a^HoCTb h 5oabraoH cTpax”, - cKa3aa 5oraTHH oTep. “Ho3BoabTe MHe HpHBecTH BaM HeKOTopHe HpHMepH. BpaH, ^eaara^HH HMeTb 5oabrae ^eHer, hto5h ayHrae o5ecHeHHBaTb cBora ceMbra, Ho,aHHMaeT cboh pacpeHKH. A oto ^eaaeT 3a5oTy o CBoeM 3^opoBbe 5oaee ^oporocToa^HM Ka^^oro. CeroAHK H3-3a OToro 5oabrae Bcero CTpa^araT ^e^HHe ara,aH, a, ^h^hht, 5e^HHe ara,aH HMeraT xy,araee 3^opoBbe, HeM Te, kto HMeeT ^enbTH. Pa3 BpaHH HO,aHHMaraT HaaTy 3a cboh ycayrH, to h a^BOKaTH oto ^eaaraT. A pa3 a^BOKaTH hobhchhh CBoe BO3Harpa^^eHHe, to h yHHTeaa xotkt



BeflHWH nana, BoraxwH Hana


41


noDmfflonna aapnnaTm. Kny6oK pacTOT, a c hhm pacTyT n namn nanorn. H D03HHKacT TaKaa CTpafflnaa nponacTb Me^^y 6oraTmMH h 5e^HmMH, HTo Mo^eT pa3pa3HTbca xaoc, h e^e o^Ha DenHKaa ^HDHHH^a^Ha Mo^eT pa3DaHHTbca. Bce DenHKHe ^HDHHH^a^HH TaK Hcne^anH, Kor,^a nponacTb Me^^y HMy^HMH h neHMy^HMH 5mna cnHfflKoM ray5oKaa. AMepHKa ^DH^eTca D tom ^e HanpaDneHHH, ^oKa^mDaa, hto hctophs noDTopaeTca, noToMy hto Mm y hctophh HHneMy He yHHMca. Mm TonbKo 3a3y5pHDaeM HcTopHHecKHe ^aTm, HMena, ho He ypoK”.

“A pa3De He npeAnonaraeTca, hto ^enm 5y^yT pacTH?” - cnpocHH a.

“TonbKo He d o5pa3oDaHHoM o5^ecTDe, c TonKoDmM npaDHTenb- ctdom. U,enm ^on^nm na^aTb d ^encTDHTeHbHocTH. KoneHHo, HacTo 3to ocTaeTca TeopHen. ^enm H^yT DDepx H3-3a ^a^HocTH h cTpaxa, Dm3DaHHmMH HeDe^ecTDoM. Echh 5m d fflKonax Hffl,aeH yHHHH paa^HpaTbca D npe^MeTe ^eHer, y Dcex 5mno 5m 5onbffle ^eHer, a ^enm 5mnH 5m HH^e, ho fflKonm ^oKycHpyrarca HHfflb Ha o5yHeHHH Hffl,aeH pa5oTaTb Ha ^eHbrH, pa^H ^ener, a He Ha to, KaK ynpaDHSTb chhoh ^ener”.

“A pa3De y nac HeT 5H3Hec-fflKon?” - cnpocHH MaHK. “Pa3De Tm caM He coDeTyefflb MHe h^th Ty,aa, HTo5m nonyHHTb 3HaHHa?”

“fla”, - cKa3an 5oraTmH oTe^. “Ho y^ cnHfflKoM HacTo 5H3Hec-fflKo- nm DocnHTmDafflT pa5oTHHKoD, HanoMHHara^Hx ycno^HeHHme ch^thh- KH 5o5od. Pa3De MoryT ohh 3aHHMaTbca 5H3HecoM? Bce, hto AenafflT TaKHe cne^HaHHcTm - oto cmotp^t Ha ^H^pm, yDonbHafflr nffl,aeH h y^HDawT 5H3Hec. ^ 3Hara, hto roDopra, TaK KaK HaHHMara t^khx. Bce, o HeM ohh ^yMafflT, - 3to, KaK ype3aTb ce5ecToHMocTb h no,aH3Tb ^enm, ot Hero, co5cTDeHHo, 5mDaeT mhofo npo5neM. CHHTaTb, hto k HeMy, Da^no. Hra,aH ^on^Hm yMeTb cHHTaTb, ho OToro Mano”, - cep^HTo ^o5aDHH 5oraTmH oTe^.

“B 3tom Dca cyTb?” - cnpocHH MaHK.

“fla”, - cKa3a^ 5oraTmH oTe^. “VHHTecb Hcnonb3oDaTb DafflH omo- ^HH, HTo5m ^yMaTb, a He ^yMaTb c omo^hsmh. Kor,aa Dm, pe5sTa, o5y3- ^aHH cdoh omo^hh, coraacHDfflHcb pa5oTaTb 5ecnnaTHo, a 3Han, hto no- aDHHacb Ha^e^^a. Kor,aa Dm conpoTHDHanHcb cdohm omo^hsm d tom cnyHae, Kor,aa a HcKyfflan Dac 5onbfflHM 3apa5oTKoM, Dm cnoDa yHHHHcb ^yMaTb, He flaDaa omo^hsm DmnnecHyTbca napy^y. 3to - nepDmH fflar”. “A noHeMy otot nepDmH fflar TaK Da^en?” - cnpocHH a.

“Bot 3to DaM H npe^cToHT y3HaTb. Echh xoTHTe yHHTbca, a noDe^y Dac TepHHcToH ^oporoH. floporoH, KoTopyra dcskhH H35eraeT. floporoH, no KoTopoH 5onbfflHHcTDo Hffl,aeH 5ohtcs h^th. Echh Dm nocHe^yeTe 3a mhoH, Dm paccTaneTecb c Mmcnbra pa5oTaTb Ha ^enbrH h HayHHTecb, KaK 3acTaDHTb ^eHbFH pa5oTaTb na ce5a”.

“Echh Mm noH^eM c DaMH, hto Mm nonyHHM? Echh Mm coraacHMca yHHTbca y Dac, hto Mm ot OToro DmHrpaeM?” - cnpocHH a.

“BmHrpaeTe to ^e, hto h tot KponHK, KoToporo 5paTe^ hhc 0Dmp- Hyn D KonfflHHe KycTm”, - cKa^an 5oraTmH oTe^. “Bm DmHrpaeTe cDo5o^y ot ^HHeTKH, DmMa3aHHoH ^erTeM”.



42


negxep


Po5epx T. KHOcaKH, 0apoH


“fla”, - CKaaaa 5oraxHH oxep. “TepHHCxaa ^opora hhh KoaronHe KycTH Ha HaraeM nyTH - oto naraH CTpax h ^a^HocTb. Ha^o npoHTH nepea KoaraHHe KycTH CTpaxa, cpa^aacb c naraeH ^a^nocTbra, c naraHMH caa- 5ocTKMH, c HaraeH 5ecnoMo^nocTbra - b otom bhxo^. A a^ecb ne o5oH- THcb 5e3 paayMa, 5ea oT5opa naraHx MHcaeH”.

“Ot5op HaraHx MHcaeH?” - cnpocHa o^a^aHeHHHH MaHK. “fla. Ha^o pa3yMHo MHcaHTb, a ne pearHpoBaTb Ha omophh. BMecTo toto, hto5h npocTo no,aHHMaTbca h TonaTb Ha pa5oTy peraaTb cboh npo5aeMH., H3-3a cTpaxa, hto ne 5y,aeT ^eHer onaaTH cHeToB, cTpaxa, AoBaera^ero na^

BaMH. Pa3MHraaeHHa noTpe5yrar BpeMeHH, hto5h 3a^aTb ce5e Bonpoc. Bonpoc THna: “^BaaeTca hh ycep^Haa pa5oTa HaHayHraHM peraeHHeM MoeH npo5aeMH”. EoabraHHcTBo ara,aeH onacararca roBopHTb ce5e npaB^y, cTpax HaBHcaeT Ha^ hhmh, ohh ne choco5hh ^yMaTb, BMecTo ototo ohh 5eryT Ha pa5oTy. ^HaeTKa, HepeMa^aHHaa ^erTeM, bhcht Ha hhx, KoHTpoaHpya hx mhchh. HooToMy a h roBopra o5 oT5ope naraHx MHcaeH, Tex MHcaeH, HeH o^^eKT 5y,aeT peaabHHM”. “A KaK ^e HaM ototo ^o^HTbca?” - cHpocHH MaHK. “OToMy a h 5y,ay Bac yHHTb. ^ 5y,ay yHHTb Bac. Ha KaKHe mhchh ^eaaTb cTaBKy, b HepByra oHepe^b, a ne cTany yHHTb Bac KoaeHHoMy pe^aeKcy Ha y,aap mohotohkom - THHa 3araaTHBaHHa yTpeHHero Ko^e h BH5eraHHa h3 ^BepeH. HoMHHTe, hto a panbrae tobophh: Pa5oTa - HHrab KpaTKoBpeMennoe peraeHHe ^oaroBpeMeHHoH Hpo5aeMH. y 5oabraHHcTBa ara,aeH b roaoBe o,ana Hpo5aeMa, KpaTKoBpeMeHHaa. 3to cHeTa B Konpe Mecapa, ^naeTKa BHMa^aHHaa flerreM. B otom cayHae ^eHb- TH yHpaBaaraT hx ^h3hkmh, hhh a mot 5h cKa3aTb - cTpax h HeBe^ecTBo B ^ene^HoM BoHpoce. Hra,aH HocTyHarar TaK ^e, KaK ^eaaaH hx po^HTeaH, BcTaraT e^e^HeBHo h H^yT pa5oTaTb na ^eHbrH. KaK 5h ne HMea BpeMeHH cHpocHTb ce5a: “A ecaH hhoH bhxo^?” B otom cayHae omophh KoHTpoaHpyrar hx MHraaeHHe, a tohobh oTKaraHeHH”.

“Th Mo^erab paccKa3aTb o pa3HHpe Me^^y OMopHonaabHHM mh0- aeHHeM h MHraaeHHeM ro^oBoH?” - cHpocHa MaHK.

“O, ^a. ^ Bce BpeMK caHray OTy pa3HHpy”, - cKa^aa 5oraTHH oTep. “^ caHray Be^H THHa: “Hy, Ka^^HH ^oa^en pa5oTaTb", hhh “Bce 5ora- THe - ^yaHKH”, hhh “^ H^y Ha HoBHraeHHe. ^ 3acay^HBara ototo”, hhh “Mne HpaBHTbca OTa pa5oTa, TaK KaK ona Ha^e^Haa”. HeT 5h cKa3aTb: “Mo^eT a hto-to Tepara 3^ecb?” - T.e. BHcKa3aTb MHcab, aoMara^yra OMopHonaabHocTb, ^ara^yra BpeMa ocnoBaTeabHo o BceM Ho^yMaTb”.

^ ^oa^eH HpH3HaTb, otot ypoK 5oraToro oTpa Heo5xo^HMo 5hho HocTHTHyTb. Ha^o 5hho yHHTbca oHpe^eaaTb, Kor,aa HeaoBeK tobopht ho^ Bo^^eHcTBHeM OMopHH, a Kor,aa c kchoH roaoBoH. 3tot ypoK Bcra ^H3Hb cay^HH MHe BepoH h HpaB^oH. Oco5eHHo, Kor,aa caM a tobophh o HeM-To ho^ Bo^^eHcTBHeM OMopHH, a He c kchoH roaoBoH. Kor,aa mh HaHpaBaaaHcb o5paTHo k Mara3HHy, 5oraTHH oTep o5bacHaa, hto 5ora- THe B HpaMoM cMHcae caoBa ^eaaaH ^enbTH. Ohh He pa5oTaaH na ^eHb- TH. EoraTHH oTep tobophh, hto Kor,aa mh c MaHKoM 3aHHMaaHcb Hepe-