what to do with them. She was right; I find I enjoy reading bits and pieces of them
just as she used to. They intrigue me, these letters, for when I sift through them I
realize that romance and passion are possible at any age. I see Allie now and know
I've never loved her more, but as I read the letters, I come to understand that I have
always felt the same way.
I read them last three evenings ago, long after I should have been asleep. It was
almost two o'clock when I went to the desk and found the stack of letters, thick
and tall and weathered. I untied the ribbon, itself almost half a century old, and
found the letters her mother had hidden so long ago and those from afterward. A
lifetime of letters, letters professing my love, letters from my heart. I glanced
through them with a smile on my face, picking and choosing, and finally opened a
letter from our first anniversary.
I read an excerpt:
When I see you now‐‐moving slowly with new life growing inside you‐‐I hope you
know how much you mean to me, and how special this year has been. No man is
more blessed than me, and I love you with all my heart.
I put it aside, sifted through the stack, and found another, this from a cold evening
thirty‐nine years ago.
Sitting next to you, while our youngest daughter sang off‐key in the school
Christmas show, I looked at you and saw a pride that comes only to those who feel
deeply in their hearts, and I knew that no man could be more lucky than me.
And after our son died, the one who resembled his mother . . . It was the hardest
time we ever went through, and the words still ring true today:
In times of grief and sorrow ! will hold you and rock you, and take your grief and
make it my own. When you cry, I cry, and when you hurt, I hurt. And together we
will try to hold back the floods of tears and despair and make it through the
potholed streets of life.
I pause for just a moment, remembering him. He was four years old at the time, just
a baby. I have lived twenty times as long as he, but if asked, I would have traded
my life for his. It is a terrible thing to outlive your child, a tragedy I wish upon no
one.
I do my best to keep the tears away, sift through some more to clear my mind, and
find the next from our twentieth anniversary, something much easier to think
about:
When ! see you, my darling, in the morning before showers or in your studio
covered with paint with hair matted and tired eyes, I know that you are the most
beautiful woman in the world.
They went on, this correspondence of life and love, and I read dozens more, some
painful, most heartwarming. By three o'clock I was tired, but I had reached the
bottom of the stack. There was one letter remaining, the last one I wrote her, and
by then I knew I had to keep going.
I lifted the seal and removed both pages. I put the second page aside and moved the
first page into better light and began to read:
My dearest Allie, The porch is silent except for the sounds that float from the
shadows, and for once I am at a loss for words. It is a strange experience for me, for
when I think of you and the life we have shared, there is much to remember. A
lifetime of memories.
But to put it into words? I do not know if I am able. I am not a poet, and yet a poem
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