is needed to fully express the way I feel about you.
So my mind drifts, and I remember thinking about our life together as I made coffee
this morning. Kate was there, and so was Jane, and they both became quiet when I
walked in the kitchen. I saw they'd been crying, and without a word, I sat myself
beside them at the table and held their hands. And do you know what I saw when I
looked at them? I saw you from so long ago, the day we said good‐bye. They
resemble you and how you were then, beautiful and sensitive and wounded with
the hurt that comes when something special is taken away. And for a reason I'm not
sure I understand, I was inspired to tell them a story.
I called Jeff and David into the kitchen, for they were here as well, and when the
children were ready, I told them about us and how you came back to me so long
ago.
I told them about our walk, and the crab dinner in the kitchen, and they listened
with smiles when they heard about the canoe ride, and sitting in front of the fire
with the storm raging outside. I told them about your mother warning us about Lon
the next day‐‐they seemed as surprised as we were‐‐and yes, I even told them what
happened later that day, after you went back to town.
That part of the story has never left me, even after all this time. Even though I
wasn't there, you described it to me only once, and I remember marveling at the
strength you showed that day. I still cannot imagine what was going through your
mind when you walked into the lobby and saw Lon, or how it must have felt to talk
to him. You told me that the two of you left the inn and sat on a bench by the old
Methodist church, and that he held your hand, even as you explained that you must
stay.
I know you cared for him. And his reaction proves to me he cared for you as well.
No, he could not understand losing you, but how could he? Even as you explained
that you had always loved me, and that it wouldn't be fair to him, he did not release
your hand. I know he was hurt and angry, and tried for almost an hour to change
your mind, but when you stood firm and *sack, "I can't go back with you, I'm so
sorry," he knew that your decision had been made. You said he simply nodded and
the two of you sat together for a long time without speaking. I have always
wondered what he was thinking as he sat with you, but I'm sure it was the same
way I felt only a few hours before. And when he finally walked you to your car, you
said he told you that I was a lucky man. He behaved as a gentleman would, and I
understood then why your choice was so hard.
I remember that when I finished the story, the room was quiet until Kate finally
stood to embrace me.
"Oh,Daddy," she said with tears in her eyes, and though I expected to answer their
questions,they did not ask any. Instead, they gave me something much more
special.
For the next four hours, each of them told me how much we, the two of us, had
meant to them growing up. One by one, they told stories about things ! had long
since forgotten.
And by the end, I was crying because I realized how well we had done with raising
them. I was so proud of them, and proud of you, and happy about the life we have
led. And nothing will ever take that away. Nothing. I only wish you would have been
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