read to lessen their fears.
Be composed‐‐be at ease with me... Not till the sun excludes you do I exclude
you,Not till the waters refuse to glisten for you and the leaves to rustle for you, do
my words refuse to glisten and rustle for you. And I read, to let them know who I
am. I wander all night in my vision,... Bending with open eyes over the shut eyes
of sleepers, Wandering and confused, lost to myself, ill‐assorted, contradictory,
Pausing, gazing, bending, and stopping.
If she could, my wife would accompany me on my evening excursions, for one of her
Many loves was poetry. Thomas, Whitman, Eliot, Shakespeare, and King David of
the Psalms.
Lovers of words, makers of language. Looking back, I am surprised by my passion
for it, and sometimes I even regret it now. Poetry brings great beauty to life, but
also great sadness, and I'm not sure it's a fair exchange for someone my age. A man
should enjoy other things if he can; he should spend his final days in the sun.
Mine will be spent by a reading lamp. I shuffle toward her and sit in the chair beside
her bed. My back aches when I sit. I must get a new cushion for this chair, I remind
myself for the hundredth time. I reach for her hand and take it, bony and fragile. It
feels nice. She responds with a twitch, and gradually her thumb begins to softly rub
my finger. I do not speak until she does; this I have learned. Most days I sit in silence
until the sun goes down, and on days like those I know nothing about her.
Minutes pass before she finally turns to me. She is crying. I smile and release her
hand, then reach in my pocket. I take out a handkerchief and wipe at her tears. She
looks at me as I do so, and I wonder what she is thinking.
"That was a beautiful story."
A light rain begins to fall. Little drops tap gently on the window. I take her hand
again. It is going to be a good day, a very good day. A magical day. I smile, I can't
help it.
"Yes, it is," I tell her.
"Did you write it?" she asks. Her voice is like
a whisper, a light wind flowing though the leaves. "Yes," I answer.
She turns toward the nightstand. Her medicine is in a little cup. Mine too. Little
pills, colors like a rainbow so we won't forget to take them. They bring mine here
now, to her room, even though they're not supposed to.
"I've heard it before, haven't I?'
"Yes," I say again, just as I do every time on days like these. I have learned to
be patient.
She studies my face. Her eyes are as green as ocean waves.
"It makes me feel less afraid," she says.
"I know." I nod, rocking my head softly.
She turns away, and I wait some more. She releases my hand and reaches
for her water glass. It is on her nightstand, next to the medicine. She takes a sip.
"Is it a true story?" She sits up a little in her bed and takes another, drink. Her
body is still strong. "I mean, did you know these people?"
"Yes," I say again. I could say more, but usually I don't. She is still beautiful.
She asks the obvious:
"Well, which one did she finally marry?"
I answer: "The one who was right for her." "Which one was that?"
I smile. "You'll know," I say quietly, "by the end of the day. You'll know."
She does not know what to think about this but does not question me further.
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