6. Tai Chi and Qigong
In his search for healing, John gravitated toward tai chi and qigong, also known
as moving meditation. He began with a class at a tai chi school near his house,
and quickly found that when he practiced the slow, measured movements of tai
chi, he felt a new sense of calm come over him. When he began his practice, he
found that he “would go in very wound up, but after forty-five minutes of slow,
careful movement, my inner ruminating voice would fall silent. I’d put all of my
focus on what I was doing. And little by little, I began to create a space to
recuperate, to find clarity of mind, to see things more clearly—in my
relationships, in my work, and in my thoughts about myself. And that clarity
became a powerful tool to help me manage my stress reactions, my fears and
insecurities. Instead of taking a defensive stance, or blaming others, I maintain
perspective. I have become more compassionate. I see that the past was past. I
have been able to see that the only thing that has been holding me back from
healing, and achieving what I want to achieve, has been me. That voice that I’ve
been hearing so long—my father’s voice telling me, ‘You’re not good
enough’—that voice is only a voice in my head.”
In the two years that John has been practicing moving meditation, he says, “I
have made so much progress in my health. I am in a different place. The chronic
fatigue is gone. I have energy again. I’m running and hiking again. I recently ran
several 5 and 10Ks. I can eat food again. I feel like I have come back.”
Recently, John began spending more time with his dad—even taking him to a
tai chi class with him. The results of these efforts to communicate with the man
who caused most of John’s childhood adversity have been surprising. “When I
am with my dad now, and he gets worked up about something small, I don’t
react. I don’t lose it. And I can see that my dad has learned how to step back, and
calm himself down, and even apologize. I’ve been able to see that the man my
dad was, this person I have been so angry with and in fear of and reacting to in
my mind all these years, my dad is just not ‘that guy’ anymore. I have changed,
and he has been quietly changing, too.”
John, his parents, and his younger brother have started taking family vacations
together. “We have decided, as a family, that we aren’t interested in giving each
other gifts for holidays and birthdays.” Instead, John says, “We want to give
each other new memories to replace our less happy ones,” he says. “We have a
really good time. We enjoy being together now.”
This new relationship with his former tormentor has had a trickle-up, healing
impact, helping John to both heal from his past and have hope for the future.
“We are the Good Enough Family,” John says. And being part of a good
enough family gives John hope that he may one day have a good enough family
of his own.
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