The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

STRATEGY #7: AVOID LYING
ABOUT YOUR AVAILABILITY
I
understand the temptation. Someone asks you to do
something you’d rather avoid. As an honest person, you’d
like to tell them as much. The problem is, you fear that
honesty is likely to cause him or her to feel offended, upset,
or resentful.
So you lie.
For example, you tell the requestor, “Sorry. I can’t take
you to the airport because I have a doctor’s appointment.”
In truth, you have no plans to visit your doctor. The excuse
is just a way to get out of accommodating the request.
It’s a small, harmless lie. You tell yourself that it’s not as
if you’re hurting someone. There are far worse sins than
lying about your availability.
But it carries consequences. When you tell these small,
harmless lies, you erode your sense of personal authority.
You train yourself to fear what others might think about your
reasoning.
For example, suppose the real reason you’re turning
down the requestor is that you simply dislike driving to the
airport. Additionally, you want to avoid becoming known as
the “taxi” person - the one to whom everyone turns when
they need a lift.
Here’s how you might express these feelings when
someone asks you to take him or her to the airport.

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I don’t want to drive to the
airport because I can’t stand
freeway traffic.”
I don’t want to drive to the
airport because the ride, up and
back, will take three hours.”
I’ve had a terrible week and had
planned to relax today. So I’m
going to say no.”
I’m going to pass. I don’t want
to be the one everyone asks to
take them to the airport.”
On the surface, these responses might seem impolite.
On the contrary, you’re being direct, which shows respect.
You’re showing the requestor that you hold him or her in
high enough regard to be candid. You trust that he or she
will respect your feelings, and honor your wishes on the
matter.
But most importantly, you train yourself to trust your
own authority. Rather than lying about your availability and
feeling guilty for doing so, you develop a strong sense of
personal agency. You learn to rely on your own reasoning
when deciding whether to consent to, or turn down,
requests and invitations.
As you develop and strengthen this confidence and
resoluteness, you’ll become less concerned with how the
requestor reacts to your saying no. You’ll recognize that as
long as you decline requests with grace, honesty, and
respect, the requestor’s reaction isn’t your responsibility.

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