Scatter Brained

C H A P T E R   8

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206
S C A T T E R B R A I N E D
07
  Candy Is Dandy
Th
  e story of the jelly bean is of one of the great marriages in 
the whole history of candy.
The Jelly Pre-Bean:
 Th
  e jelly part of jelly beans was fi rst cre-
ated thousands of years ago 
in Turkey—when it arrived in 
the English-speaking world, 
they called it Turkish delight. 
Delicious, sure, but Turkish 
delight left a sticky residue on 
fi ngers.
The Bean Pre-Jelly:
 Jordan 
almond candy is a “candy” that 
tastes a lot like bitter almonds. 
Th
  e candies are often served at 
weddings to represent the bit-
ter and the sweet, but in our 
experience, Jordan almonds 
are shorter on sweet than Mike 
Tyson’s marriage to Robin Giv-
ens.  However,  Jordan  almond 
candy does have an often pas-
tel, semihard crust.
The Marriage:
 Sometime in 
the 19th century, the crust of 
Jordan almond candies and 
Turkish delight were joined to-
gether in blissful matrimony.
Mars
The Good:
 In the 1920s, 
Frank Mars (1883–1934) 
invented a series of candy 
bars, including Snickers, 
which he named after a 
family horse, and Mars, 
which he named after him-
self. Frank wanted to keep 
the company small, but his 
short-tempered, ambitious 
son Forrest made it a huge 
success, branching out into 
everything from M&M’s to 
high-end pet food.
The Bad:
 Forrest was famous 
for his M&M-fl inging  tem-
per tantrums.
The Exceedingly Weird:
 For-
rest  also  made  his  employ-
ees taste-test every single 
one of their products—in-
cluding the aforementioned 
pet food.

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207
✖  ✖  ✖
Sylvester Graham (1794–1851) was a Presbyterian minister 
who saw the two greatest evils in life as “venereal excess” and 
alcohol consumption. His solution to lust and booze was sim-
ple: a vegetarian diet. To make vegetarianism more palatable, 
he invented graham crackers in 1829.
✖  ✖  ✖
Few  titans  of  industry  have 
been more widely loved than 
Milton Snavely Hershey 
 (1857–1945), whose elemen-
tary school nicknames we 
can only imagine. After he 
made it big by manufactur-
ing America’s fi rst tasty milk 
chocolate, he returned to his 
hometown of Derry Church, 
Pa., where he built a giant 
factory and a school for or-
phans. In thanks, the people 
of Pennsylvania set about 
naming every single solitary 
item in the state after him.
✖  ✖  ✖
Although today he is remem-
bered primarily for Crunch 
bars, Henri Nestlé (1814–
1890) was the fi rst man to in-
vent a safe baby formula. 
Sadly,  he  was  inspired  by  ex-
perience: Five of his 13 sib-
lings died during childhood.
Life Savers
Before electric refrigeration be-
came widespread and afford-
able (around 1920), summer was 
a bad time for chocolate makers. 
Looking for nonmelty revenue 
streams in 1912, Ohio chocolate 
manufacturer Clarence Crane 
developed a hard peppermint 
candy that could withstand sum-
mer heat. To make his candy 
even more summer-friendly (and 
to differentiate them from tradi-
tional mints, which were square), 
Crane shaped his invention after 
the round life preservers that 
were gaining popularity at the 
time. Unfortunately, Crane 
hocked his idea soon after. Be-
tween 1913 and 1987, 33.4 bil-
lion  Life  Savers  were  sold.  And 
like  so  many  inventors  before 
him, Crane never saw a penny of 
the profi ts. But the sad story of 
Clarence Crane doesn’t end 
there. He had this son, see. . . .