Scatter Brained

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SCATTER
BRAINED
edited by 
Will Pearson, Mangesh 
Hattikudur, and John Green
written by 
Ransom Riggs, Will 
Hick man, and Hank Green

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Introduction
 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
 
1
 
GREECE (THE COUNTRY) 
TO GREASE (THE LUBRICANT)   
TO 
GREASE
 (THE MUSICAL)
 . . . . . 
 
1
2
  
DEAD PRESIDENTS TO DEAD  
PRE$IDENTS
 
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
 
.
  
27
3
  
SIT TIN’ IN A TREE TO 
K-I-S -S -I-N- G TO LOVE 
AND M ARRIAGE
 
. . . . . . . .   .   .   .
 
. 
 
57
4
  
HUMPT Y DUMPT Y TO HAVING 
A GREAT FALL TO GET TING PUT 
BACK TOGETHER AGAIN
 . . . . . . .
   
83
5
  
YOUR CHEATIN’ HEART TO 
YOUR BEATIN’ HEART TO 
N. BONAPARTE
 . . .  .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .
 
107
6
  
PUPPIES TO STALIN
 . . . . . . . . . .
 
. .
 
137
7
  
THE HUNDRED YEARS’ WAR TO 
THE SEVEN-YEAR ITCH TO 
8-MINUTE ABS
 
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
 
165
contents
iv

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8
  
SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK! 
 
TO ROCK, PAPER, 
 SCISSORS
 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
 
189
9
  
ALL’S WELL TO ENDS WELL
 . . . . . .
 
215
About  the Editors
 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
241
About the Contributors
 . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
243
Other Books From mental_fl oss
Credits
Cover
Copyright
About  the Publisher
C O N T E N T S
iii

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We at 
mental
_fl oss
 have this friend. We’ll call him John, partly 
to protect his identity, and partly because that’s his name. We 
like John. We always have. He’s smart and funny and geekily 
enthusiastic about things like quantum mechanics and under-
rated mid-80s art rock bands. But John has one particular fl aw 
that we all fi nd  absolutely  unbearable:  No  matter  what  we’re 
talking about, John can always connect the topic of conversa-
tion to his ex-girlfriend Maggie, who dumped him a couple 
years ago. Some examples:
Mangesh:__“Did_you_know_there’s_an_actual_disease_called_break-dancer’s_thumb_I_mean,_isn’t_that_freaking_amazing”_John'>Mangesh:
 “Did you know there’s an actual disease called 
break-dancer’s thumb? I mean, isn’t that freaking amazing?”
John:
 “Remember that break-dancing movie 
Breakin’ 2: Elec-
tric Boogaloo
?”
Mangesh:
 “Yeah.”
John:
 “It starred Ice-T. Maggie got me to start drinking sweet 
iced tea. She’s from the South, you know.”
Mangesh:
 “Oh. My. God. How do you 
do
 that?”
✖  ✖  ✖
Neely:
 “I just found out that if you add all the numbers of the 
roulette wheel together, 1–36, they equal 666.”