Pilot S00E01 Good News, Bad News

154. S08E20 - The Millennium

Guest Stars: Lauren Graham (Valerie) Louan Gideon (Valerie's Mother) Victoria Mahoney (Gladys) Michael Laskin (Minkler) Bruce Jarchow (Mooney) Maria Cina (Saleswoman) Steve Koren (Himself) Wayne Knight (Newman) Richard Herd (Wilhelm)

Elaine gets bad service at a clothing store, so she begins shopping at another similar store. Jerry notices that he is on his girlfriend's speed dial. Kramer plans for his millennium New Year's Eve party two years in advance and he has some strange ideas about what life in that year will be like. George is "offered" a position as director of scouting by the Mets. To get the position he must be fired by the Yankees. Elaine flaunts her purchases in front of the store. Jerry obsesses about his position on the speed dial and then he makes it to number 1. Kramer discovers that Newman is planning his own millennium party. George tries to make a big exit from the Yankees organization; however, all his attempts make him look better in the organization. The step-mother of Jerry's girlfriend's confronts him over his #1 position on the speed dial. Newman compromises with Kramer about their respective parties, they will be combined; however, he only has one condition, the next century must be "Jerry free." Elaine discovers the clothing store she began frequenting is owned by the same woman who didn't help her at the other store. Kramer reluctantly agrees but then has misgivings and gets Elaine to come back to his party. Elaine plans her revenge on the store with Kramer's help. Jerry gets caught in the middle of a speed dial war between his girlfriend and step-mother.

b: 01-May-97 pc: 820 w: Jennifer Crittenden d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: Viewer Bentley Roberts notes that Jerry incorrectly states that Kramer and Newman's party will be one year to late, when he should have said it would be one year to early.

Viewer John Thorpe, says that Jerry was correct about his statement. "Newman said he booked his party for the Millennium, which is January 1, 2001, but he really wanted to have his party one year earlier, on 1/1/2000, which is when everyone else on the planet (pretty much) will have Millennium parties. So technically, Newman's party is one year later than the other parties being celebrated, which will make his party, as Jerry said, "lame". Therefore Jerry's statement is correct."

I on the other hand, probably like most people, am confused about the whole thing. Regardless of what is correct, I am sure the marketing and media weasels out there will decide when we start the next millennium.

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155. S08E21 - The Muffin Tops

Guest Stars: Rena Sofer (Mary Anne) Melinda Clarke (Alex) Chaim Jeraffi (Jiffy Dump Guy) Sonya Eddy (Rebecca) Barry Kramer (Bag Guy) Elayn Taylor (Book Fan) Paige Moss (Girl) Viola Kates Simpson (Old Woman) Jack Riley (Rider) Bunny Summers (Rider) Earl Carroll (Rider) Norman Brenner (Rider) Reuven Bar (Foreign Guy) Vince Donvito (Passerby) Chris Burmester (Passerby) Deck McKenzie (Man) Victoria Fischer (Bartender) Keith Sellon-Wright (Guy) Wayne Knight (Newman) John O'Hurley (Peterman) Richard Fancy (Lippman)

George watches a bag for a tourist who never comes back, so he starts wearing some of the clothes. Elaine tells Kramer that the stories he sold to Peterman were put into the book. Kramer goes to the book signing, claiming he is the real "Peterman." George becomes a tourist from Arkansas when he meets a beautiful woman from the tourist bureau on the street. Jerry shaves his chest and worries about it until he discovers his girlfriend likes hairless dogs. Elaine eats only the tops of muffins and she says that it is a million dollar idea, Mr. Lippman, her former boss, decides to start a business. Kramer starts conducting "Peterman Reality Tours" for $37.50 a piece. When the muffin top business doesn't seem to be working, Lippman asks Elaine for advice. She tells him that he must make the whole muffin and remove the top from the stump, she also demands that he remove the exclamation point from his sign. The stumps can be given to the homeless. Only they don't want them. In fact nobody wants them. Jerry continues to shave his chest despite Kramer's warning about hair growth. George "moves" to New York and takes a job with the Yankees. Steinbrenner is led to believe that George is holding down two jobs and makes a deal to trade George for chicken. Elaine convinces Kramer to get rid of her stumps and he convinces Jerry and his girlfriend to take his tour. Jerry's chest begins itching from hair growth. Elaine hires "a cleaner" to make the muffin stump problem go away.

b: 08-May-97 pc: 821 w: Spike Feresten d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: Right or wrong, NBC advertised this as being the 150th episode of Seinfeld. Well we all have decided that was wrong, they appear to be counting the two part episodes as one. Jerry himself, on The Tonight Show when he mentioned that "The Pothole", was the 150th episode. I've renumbered the guide to agree with that scheme.

Viewers who have taken Kenny Kramer's Reality Tour of the Seinfeld sites of New York City will really appreciate this episode. I have and I did. You can find out about the "real" Kramer's reality tours at his web site. You'll find it linked here. He is still conducting them, despite the fact that he has also recently launched a campaign to get in the Democratic primary for mayor of New York City. You can also read all about that at his web site. And don't doubt that this will end up in a future story. Jerry has already been talking with Kenny about it.

Also viewer David Lipke notes, what is the big deal with Kramer's chest hair? We've seen Kramer's bare chest in the "The Pick" and more recently in "The Face Painter". For the sake of comedy I guess the production staff forsook continuity. A problem with many television shows. However, viewer Derrick Jones notes that Kramer was likely showing Jerry a growth of hair below the abdomen, after all Kramer said "I shaved there once when I was a lifeguard."

Viewer Ross Raniere notes that Tyler Chicken was supposed to be Tyson Chicken at one point, but was changed to avoid any legal entanglements.

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156. S08E22 - The Summer of George

Guest Stars: Raquel Welch (Herself) Molly Shannon (Sam) Amanda Peet (Lanette) Joe Urla (Dugan) Victor Raider-Wexler (Doctor) Peter Dennis (Lew) Tucker Smallwood (Malcolm) Wayne Wilderson (Walter) Blake Gibbons (Lyle) Adrian Sparks (Man) Jane A. Johnston (Woman) Lauren Bowles (Waitress) Sue Goodman (Clerk) Neil Flynn (Cop #1) Tom Michael Bailey (Cop #2) Denise Bessette (Therapist) Dave Mandel (Himself) John O'Hurley (Peterman)

George discovers he has a severance package from the Yankees that should last him about 3 months. He decides that he is going to take the summer off. Jerry is going to the Tony Awards and so is Kramer. Jerry has a real seat; Kramer is a seat filler. Elaine critiques a co-worker who walks with no arm movements and is accused of being "catty." Jerry's picks up his date, only to find out that she has a man living with her. Kramer gets a Tony Award for a musical in which Raquel Welch is the star. Elaine tries to work things out with her co-worker, to no avail. Kramer uses his Tony as a ticket into a place he really shouldn't be, Sardi's, where the producers of "Scarsdale Surprise" have a proposition for him. Jerry's date decides to commit to him. Elaine's complaints to men about her co-worker only seem to pique their interest in the possibility of a cat fight. Jerry's girlfriend begins to wear him out; she is always on the go. George suggests that perhaps they team up to handle Lanette. To keep his Tony award, Kramer must fire the non-arm swinging Raquel Welch from the production. Jerry goes on a date and needs George to handle the invitations for Lanette's party. He is not to skimp, this time. Kramer does his duty and pays a price. A mad Raquel walking down the street gets into a cat fight with a woman who she thinks is making fun of her, Elaine. George gets distracted and slips on an invitation. Twenty-two episodes later the gang is back where they were a year ago, only this time George is the one in a hospital bed.

b: 15-May-97 pc: 822 w: Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: The 30 May 97 issue of Entertainment Weekly featured Seinfeld. Click on the magazine name to see the article on-line; however, I am not sure how long the link will last.
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Season 9

157. S09E01 - The Butter Shave

Guest Stars: Kristin Davis (Jenna) Gordon Jump (Mr. Thomassoulo) Everett Greenbaum (McMaines) Connie Sawyer (Old Woman) Matthew Fonda (NBC Executive) Chris Parnell (NBC Executive) Frank Van Keeken (Vegetable Lasagna) Shannon Whirry (Cute Girl) Nancy Balbirer (Woman) Erica Y. Becoat (Stewardess) Torsten Voges (Cab Driver) George Georgiadis (Cab Driver) Brian Callaway (Passenger) Wayne Knight (Newman) Steve Hytner (Bania) Patrick Warburton (Puddy)

Not fully recovered from "The Summer of George", George is using a cane to get around. Jerry might have another shot at NBC, through an appearance on a NBC Showcase that might lead to another pilot. He is also annoyed that lame comic Kenny Bania's act is working, only because he is following on Jerry's coattails, a time-slot hit. Bania scores with big laughs and also gets one of Jerry's ex-girlfriends. George gets a job interview. Elaine is on vacation for a month in Europe with David Puddy. If he's lucky he won't "come back in a body bag." Kramer finds butter is a better protection for his skin after shaving. George is hired for the job because of his use of the cane. They think he is handicapped and of course he takes full advantage of the situation. Kramer's skin feels so good with butter; he takes to spreading it all over his body. Unfortunately he lies out in the sun where he begins to cook. It's a long flight back for Elaine and Puddy, who break up and get back together, only to break up again. Newman, reading the cannibalism themed story Alive!, finds the smell of a cooked Kramer appealing. Jerry is informed that Bania is going to follow him on the NBC showcase. George sprains his good leg and Jerry discovers that George is a closet Bania fan. Kramer tries to keep his skin moist but the baked in smell of cooked meat is too much for Newman. George manages to keep up his bluff until he tries to take on some old-timers. Jerry plans to sabotage his own act, surmising that Kenny's act will also bomb, but Kenny gets the last laugh.

b: 25-Sep-97 pc: 901 w: Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer & David Mandel d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: This episode was dedicated "In Memory of Our Friend Brandon Tartikoff." Brandon was a former executive at NBC who was responsible revitalizing the network in the 1980s. Viewer Arthur Kleynerman reminds me that it was Brandon who believed in the series from the beginning and was responsible for keeping the show alive during the early days of low ratings.

Viewer Jeff Holland notes that Jerry referred to Bania as a time-slot hit, an obvious reference to any show that follows Seinfeld. Will Veronica's Closet be a time-slot hit? It worked for Suddenly Susan. Time will tell.

Viewer Taylor Lasseigne notes that the Sheena Easton hit "My Baby Takes the Morning Train" was also used in "The Bizarro Jerry".

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158. S09E02 - The Voice

Guest Stars: Gordon Jump (Mr. Thomassoulo) Sara Rose Peterson (Claire) Jarrad Paul (Darin) Ella Joyce (Dean Jones) Nancy Balbirer (Alice) Brian J. Williams (Glenn) Cindy Lu (Worker) Patrick Warburton (Puddy)

George's employer wants to get rid of him, since they now know he isn't really handicapped and they don't like him. He has a one-year contract with Play Now that he will make sure they honor by him showing up for work every day. Jerry and George mock the sounds the Jerry's girlfriend Claire's stomach makes during the night. Jerry envisions the belly button as the mouth and the sound the stomach makes its voice. Because of the "bump into" Jerry tells Elaine that she is destined to backslide into her relationship with David Puddy, she bets him $50 that she won't. The next day Jerry discovers that Elaine didn't go home last night, he accuses her of seeing Puddy. She says the sex they had was an isolated incident. Jerry agrees but the dinner they also had was more of a commitment, he demands that she pay up. Kramer is tired of seeing all his ideas implemented, because all the little day to day incidental things keeps getting in his way and keeping him realizing his ideas. He gets an intern from NYU to help him out with Kramerica Industries; the corporation he had previously setup to develop some of his ideas. With this help he'll be freed from the day-to-day activities and be able to develop his ideas, such as the oil tanker bladder. Meanwhile, George is fighting the siege mentality that he is encountering at work and Elaine just can't get Puddy off her mind. No matter what the obstacle, George endeavors to occupy his office. Jerry tells Claire about the voice and she leaves him. The university takes Kramer's intern away from him. Claire says they can get back together if he won't do the voice ever again, he decides the voice is worth it. Unfortunately, everyone is tired off the voice. Elaine pays ups and they decided on a double or nothing bet. The intern comes back on his own because he believes in Kramerica. Play Now tries to negotiate with George, but he won't give in. Later, he offers his office and one of their rubber balls to allow Kramer to test his oil bladder idea. Jerry continues to cash in on his bet with Elaine, who just can't seem to keep away from Puddy. The big test takes place at George's workplace where Jerry plans to meet Claire. They try to warn her about the falling object, but all she hears is the voice. The lawsuit that is filed by Claire puts Play Now out of business and George out of his contract.

b: 02-Oct-97 pc: 902 w: Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer & David Mandel d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: Viewer Taylor Lasseigne notes that Kramerica Industries was first mentioned in "Male Unbonding" in conjunction with Kramer's pizza idea.
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159. S09E03 - The Serenity Now

Guest Stars: Lori Loughlin (Patty) Ross Malinger (Adam) Matt McCoy (Lloyd Braun) Bruce Mahler (Rabbi Glickman) Jerry Stiller (Frank) Estelle Harris (Estelle) Richard Fancy (Lippman)

Frank is supposed to say "serenity now" every time his blood pressure is in danger of going up. Jerry's girlfriend gives his Knicks tickets away. She comments that she has never seen him get "real mad." George gets Kramer to help him fix his parents' screen door. They remove the old door and Kramer takes it with him. Frank is selling computers; he wants to bring George into his business. Lippman's boy tries taking advantage of becoming a man at his bar mitzvah by using his tongue while kissing Elaine. Kramer installs the screen door outside his apartment to give his apartment "the cool even breezes of Anytown, USA." His initial instinct is to quit, but George decides it is finally time to take on his arch-nemesis, Lloyd Braun, whom Frank has also hired to sell computers. When Jerry learns how to get mad, it releases all his other feelings, including caring and another that results in a proposal. Kramer fights with the neighborhood kids of "Anytown, USA." George tells Elaine she is attractive to the Lippman men because of her "shiksappeal." The result gets her two Lippman "men" who want to denounce their religion. George hatches a scheme to sell more computers; however, continual use of the phrase "serenity now" has an "impact" on computer sales. The release of emotions from George has an impact on emotional Jerry. Elaine seeks help from a "rabbi" to see if she can reduce her "shiksappeal."

b: 09-Oct-97 pc: 903 w: Steve Koren d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: Viewer Will Hines notes that George tries to sell Jerry a computer. I'll add that the type of computer Jerry has been using has long been a topic of discussion on the alt.tv.seinfeld newsgroup. He also tries to sell computers to "Art Vandelay."
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160. S09E04 - The Blood

Guest Stars: Kellie Waymire (Vivian) Audrey Kissel (Tara) Colton James (Jimmy) Gene Dynarski (Izzy Jr.) Yvonne Farrow (Employee) Lloyd Bridges (Izzy) Wayne Knight (Newman) Barney Martin (Morty) Liz Sheridan (Helen)

Jerry's parents are concerned about his lack of exercise. Elaine visits her friend Vivian and is disappointed when Vivian implies that she isn't responsible enough to watch her son Jimmy. George's girlfriend lights some vanilla scented incense. The overpowering scent makes him hungry. He decides he needs to add food as a part of his sex life. His girlfriend tolerates some food items, but not the "salted cured meats." He also comes up with a way to separate pudding skin from the pudding, creating pudding skin singles. Kramer has been storing his blood at a blood bank that begins to raise their rates. In retaliation he decides that he is going to store the blood himself. Jerry starts a purification program to improve his diet. Vivian decides that Kramer would be a good choice for a baby-sitter; however, Elaine intercepts him en-route and proves her responsibility. Jerry becomes the victim of an Exacto knife wound and winds up with three pints of Kramer blood. Jerry is disturbed by the infusion of Kramer blood. Especially when Kramer calls him a blood brother. George decides that adding television to his equation will make food and sex even better. Jerry's parents buy him sessions with personal trainer, Izzy, who's going to help him work off his spare tire. Elaine hates her new responsibility, so she tries to make herself appear irresponsible. George's girlfriend doesn't like television in the equation; the "free love buffet" is over. Elaine tries to get out of being responsible, by using George as a "pinch weasel"; however, he may have found the woman of his dreams. Kramer borrows Jerry's air-conditioned car to return his blood to the bank. The car overheats because the radiator is bone dry, but not for long. Jerry's last workout with Izzy results in another transfusion of blood; only this time it's not Kramer's.

b: 16-Oct-97 pc: 904 w: Dan O'Keefe d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: Viewer Jeremy DeMai notes that George sheepishly replies "Pleasuring you?" to his girlfriend the way he did to another girlfriend in "The Fusilli Jerry" before he learned about "the move" from Jerry.
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161. S09E05 - The Junk Mail

Guest Stars: Laurie Taylor-Williams (Rhisa) Toby Huss (Jack) Dana Gould (Frankie) Richard Kuhlman (Man) Montrose Hagins (Old Woman (Betty)) Peggy Blow (Mail Clerk) Clement E. Blake (Dirt Person #1) D.A. Johnson (Dirt Person #2) Wilford Brimley (Postmaster General Henry Atkins) Wayne Knight (Newman) Jerry Stiller (Frank) Estelle Harris (Estelle) Patrick Warburton (Puddy)

Jerry's childhood friend "Fragile" Frankie promises to get Jerry a new car because of a show he did for Frankie's car dealership. George prepares for his weekly call to his parents. Kramer plans his revenge on a company because of the over abundance of catalogs they've sent him in the past month. Elaine is back with Puddy, but meets the man of her dreams at the diner and plans to keep Puddy in reserve until she finds out if the new guy can "handle the workload." Kramer gets deluged with more catalogs and plans to stop the mail. George's parents cut him short on his weekly phone call. Jerry gets a van and not the Saab he'd hoped for. Frankie reminds him of the childhood dream they had where they got a van a toured the country. George pops in on his parents and reminds his parent's they didn't call him back, but they have to leave right away. Kramer bricks up his mailbox, but that doesn't stop his mail from being delivered. Jerry plans to sell the van; Kramer helps him out with the ad copy that cites interesting trades considered. Kramer goes to the post office to permanently cancel his mail. Newman confesses to him that no one really needs their mail but that there is a greater conspiracy at work. George demands to know what's going on with his parents; they tell him they are cutting him loose. George isn't ready for abandonment; he plans to date his cousin as a means of getting his parents involved in his life. Jerry determines that the appeal Elaine finds in her new boyfriend comes from some old commercial that he appeared in. Kramer wants Jerry's van and offers Anthony Quinn's old tee shirt as an interesting trade. Elaine wants Puddy back, but is rejected by him. Kramer uses the van to launch his anti-postal campaign. George's cousin is into their relationship; however, George schemes to have his parents catch him making out with her. Kramer is captured and enlightened by the postmaster general. Elaine's boyfriend gets his second piece of good news in one day, his TV career has been revitalized and she is taking him back. Jerry must sell the van after seeing what they saw.

b: 30-Oct-97 pc: 905 w: Spike Feresten d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: Viewer Ben Nuckols notes that the closing of this episode was only fair after all Estelle once found George pleasuring himself in "The Contest". Of course, did everyone else have to experience that sight!

Viewer Burton Reibling suggests that you watch the contents of Elaine's wineglass in this episode.

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162. S09E06 - The Merv Griffin Show

Guest Stars: Rick Hall (Vet) Brent Hinkley (Lou) Julia Pennington (Celia) Arabella Field (Miranda) Jim Fowler (Himself) Wayne Wilderson (Walter (uncredited)) Wayne Knight (Newman) John O'Hurley (Peterman) Jerry Stiller (Frank) Estelle Harris (Estelle)

Kramer discovers the set of the old Merv Griffin Show in a dumpster. George's girlfriend, Miranda, is disgusted when George runs over some pigeons with his car. The pigeons have broken their deal with the humans. Jerry is fascinated with his girlfriend's old toy collection that she won't let him near. Elaine's new co-worker is a real sidler; he causes her to spill coffee that creates a stain that looks like Fidel Castro. Kramer reconstructs the set in his apartment and begins to conduct interviews of everyone who enters his apartment. Elaine schemes to out-sidle the sidler who might be sidling her out of a job. While George swerves to avoid a pigeon, he hits a squirrel. Jerry schemes for an opportunity to play with the toys. Kramer adds Newman as a co-host for his show to help relieve the pressure of being a host. Miranda insists that George pay for the special surgery required to fix the squirrel. Elaine gives Tic Tacs to the sidler to make him noisy, unfortunately the sound reminds Peterman of an old Haitian torture. Jerry and George execute a turkey, wine and home movie scheme in an effort to play with the toys. Elaine is disgusted by this unconscionable behavior, until she hears about the Easy-Bake Oven. Kramer decides to change the format of the show, to "Scandals and Animals." On the show, Jerry's girlfriend finds out about the schemes and animal expert Jim Fowler is there with a hawk. George brings the squirrel over to the set to get Jim Fowler's opinion. Hawks like to eat squirrels.

b: 06-Nov-97 pc: 906 w: Bruce Eric Kaplan d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: A rare episode, where Jerry's apartment is not featured.
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