Pilot S00E01 Good News, Bad News

170. S09E14 - The Strongbox

Guest Stars: Illeana Douglas (Loretta) Alex Kapp (Maura) Louis Mustillo (Phil) Nicholas Paul Walker (Glenn) Mary Scheer (Ms. Smoth) Bonnie McNeil (Alison) Rosie Malek-Yonan (Wife)

George tries to break up with his girlfriend, Maura, only she doesn't agree. Jerry has purchased cuff links worn by Jerry Lewis in Cinderfella. He plans to use them as a conversation starter with Lewis when he goes to an upcoming roast at the Friar's Club. Having the same first name isn't enough. A man of mystery that she has met intrigues Elaine. Jerry suggests that perhaps he is a super-hero. With robberies occurring in the building, Kramer has obtained a strongbox to hold his valuables. He needs to find a place to hide his key. A place that no one knows, except him. His first place doesn't work. George lays out all of the reasons that they should be officially broken up, Maura still doesn't agree "to turn the key." Elaine gives up on her mystery man when he runs from a woman that Elaine deduces is his wife. She returns to Jerry's apartment to find that his intercom is broken. So she shouts to him from the street, about the mystery man, while she waits for the opportunity to get into his building. Jerry inspects his intercom, only to find Kramer's strongbox key hidden inside. Kramer hides his key again. Jerry finds the key again and decides to go down to let George in. While downstairs, a neighbor who's forgotten his key and is unknown to Jerry asks to be let in. Jerry denies him entry. Elaine goes to the mystery man's shabby apartment and discovers he is poor and on welfare. The woman he ran from is his welfare caseworker. Jerry discovers the keyless neighbor, does in fact live in his building, on the 5th floor in apartment 5E (!) right next door to Kramer.
Elaine tells Jerry about her mystery man's super powers. George decides that cheating on Maura might be his ticket out. Kramer lets Phil, Jerry's "new" neighbor, keep his parrot in the hallway. Kramer also hides his key at Phil's. Glenn, the mystery man, takes Elaine on a date in the alley. Jerry needs his cufflinks for the roast, only to find out that Kramer has locked them in his strongbox. The key to the strongbox was hidden in the parrot's food dish, only now the parrot is dead (from food poisoning) and buried in a pet cemetery. George tries getting caught with the other woman, only both women agree that they can work with George through this incident. Elaine discovers that Glenn is, in fact, married. Kramer and Jerry go to the pet cemetery to exhume the key, his neighbor catches only Jerry. George asks what's in the cooler (strongbox) as he easily opens it up.

b: 05-Feb-98 pc: 914 w: Dan O'Keefe s: Dan O'Keefe and Billy Kimball d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: "New" neighbor Phil lives in 5E, this is the number we have known Newman to live in. We can justify this by assuming that some apartments in the building may have been renumbered. However, it is most likely that someone on the production team just reused Newman's door for the set and didn't think to change the number. Logically, it should have been 5C.

Viewer Brendan Putnam notes that Jerry finally used his computer again, for the second time in the history of the series. The first time was in "The Stall."

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171. S09E15 - The Wizard

Guest Stars: Grace Zabriskie (Mrs. Ross) Warren Frost (Mr. (Henry) Ross) Samuel Bliss Cooper (Darryl) Edgar Small (Sid Luckman) Vic Helford (Tom) Michael McShane (FDR (Franklin Delano Romanosky)) Bahni Turpin (Waitress #1) Constance Zimmer (Waitress #2) Jeanette Miller (Old Woman) Murray Rubin (Rubin) Liz Sheridan (Helen) Barney Martin (Morty)

Jerry buys his dad a $200 Wizard organizer for a birthday present. George receives a message from Susan's parents, the Rosses. Jerry and George debate about the race of Elaine's new boyfriend and that intrigues her (is he black?). George returns the call from the Rosses; the Foundation is having an event this weekend, but George can't attend, he has to close on his house in the Hamptons. Kramer announces his retirement, a Hollywood big shot has optioned his coffee table book about coffee tables. Elaine finds evidence that leads her to believe her boyfriend is black. Susan's parents see George on the street in the city, during the time he is supposed to be in the Hamptons. Jerry is woken up early in the morning at his parent's house and gives his father the "$50" organizer that has many features besides a tip calculator. Later he discovers that Kramer has moved down there, to join the other retirees. Elaine laughs when Susan's parents ask her about George's house in the Hamptons. Of course, George just builds on the lie. Morty, who can't run for president of the condo association, decides that Kramer should run for condo board president of Del Boca Vista phase III. Once Kramer is elected, Morty will run things from behind the scenes. Elaine schemes to try to determine her boyfriend's race. George finds out the Rosses knew that he lied. He decides to take them to the Hamptons, to "see who'll blink first."
Kramer begins his campaign and the Boca Breeze has good things to say about him (see NOTE:). When Elaine's boyfriend says they are an interracial couple, she is convinced he is black. George keeps building on his lie, as he picks up the Rosses and takes them on their ride to the Hamptons. Kramer receives some bad press from the Boca Breeze; it's damage control time. Kramer suggests buying each member of the board one of those Wizard tip calculators. Jerry knows he can't get the deal he told his father he'd received, but Kramer says not to worry, Bob Saccamando's father lives down here and can help them out. Elaine and her boyfriend discover that each is not the race they thought the other was. Saccamando's father comes through with knock-off tip calculators called Willard, they are defective and the election is lost. George and the Rosses reach the Hamptons, where the truth wins out.

b: 26-Feb-98 pc: 915 w: Steve Lookner d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: The Boca Breeze also reports on Larry David's hole in one, hurting his elbow and his never playing golf again.
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172. S09E16 - The Burning

Guest Stars: Daniel Von Bargen (Kruger) Cindy Ambuehl (Sophie) Daniel Dae Kim (Student #1) Henry Woronicz (Father Curtis) Ursaline Bryant (Dr. Wexler) Alex Craig Mann (Student #2) Brian Posehn (Artie) Alec Holland (Co-Worker #1) Suli McCullough (Co-Worker #2) Patrick Warburton (Puddy) Danny Woodburn (Mickey)

Because of the presets she discovers on his car radio, Elaine thinks that Puddy is religious. The first idea George presents at a Kruger project meeting goes over great, his follow up suggestion isn't as well received. Jerry suggests that George use the old showmanship trick of leaving on a high note. Elaine tells George and Jerry about her suspicions; George suggests that she reset his radio presets as a test. Kramer and Mickey get an acting gig playing sick for some medical students. Jerry's girlfriend, Sophie, calls him with the familiar "it's me" greeting only he doesn't recognize her voice. George leaves a Kruger meeting on a high note. For their acting job, Mickey gets bacterial meningitis and Kramer has gonorrhea. Elaine confirms that Puddy is religious. Kramer picks up on the showmanship idea and really plays up his gonorrhea part. Sophie leaves an "it's me" message on Jerry's answering machine. George suggest he call her back with the "it's me" greeting. Sophie doesn't recognize Jerry's voice and thinks he is someone else; Jerry discovers that she hasn't told him about the tractor story. Puddy doesn't have a problem with Elaine not being religious, after all he is not the one who's "going to hell."
George and Jerry speculate on what the tractor story is. Elaine begins to worry about going to hell. Kruger throws everyone off the project because they are boring, so now George is the only other member of the project team. Kramer receives rave reviews for his portrayal of gonorrhea, but now he feels he has been typecast. Jerry sees a scar on Sophie's leg and assumes it was from a tractor accident. George finds that he has to do all the actual work on the project as Kruger keeps making excuses and doesn't do any actual work. Puddy wants Elaine to steal a paper, after all she is already going to hell and he doesn't seem to care. Kramer takes Mickey's ailment. Elaine and Puddy seek the advice of a priest about where their relationship is going. Sophie tries to tell Jerry the tractor story, but he tells her not to worry about it. Kramer and Mickey come in arguing about getting gonorrhea and Sophie clears it up for both of them. With that, Jerry leaves on a high note. Meanwhile, back at the project meeting, Kruger decides to leave George on a high note.

b: 19-Mar-98 pc: 916 w: Jennifer Crittenden d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: This episode was dedicated "In Memory of Our Friend Lloyd Bridges" who had died since the last new episode aired. Lloyd of course played the hilarious "it's go time" character of Izzy in last season's episode "The English Patient" and this season's "The Blood."

A blooper I noticed in the episode, when Elaine pulls away from the curb in the teaser, where's Puddy in the background? This is of course is the result of using stock footage as opposed to going out and shooting on location.

Also, in the episode of Just Shoot Me! called "The Kiss" that aired before this episode, there was a reference to Seinfeld in the form of a man saying that he was "Kessler from 5B".

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173. S09E17 - The Bookstore

Guest Stars: Jon Gries (Rusty) Jonathan Penner (Zach) Ted Rooney (Crichton) Sonya Eddy (Rebecca DeMornay) Merrin Dungey (Cashier) Kevin Ruf (Security Guard) Heather Morgan (Server) Lauren Bowles (Waitress) Mark Daniel Cade (Walter) Sloppy Joe (Hobo Joe) Wayne Knight (Newman) Barney Martin (Morty) Liz Sheridan (Helen) John O'Hurley (Peterman) Len Lesser (Uncle Leo)

Kramer "hangs-out" more than usual at Jerry's place. Jerry and George are at a bookstore where George hopes to meet women and Jerry spots Uncle Leo shoplifting. George takes a large book into the bathroom with him. Elaine is at the annual Peterman party, where everyone is anxious to know if she is going to dance again and when. The bookstore makes George buy the book that he took into the bathroom. Elaine didn't dance at the party instead she and a man named Zach got drunk and made out at their table. George suggests that she tell everyone that she and Zach are dating, that way she won't be known as the "office skank." Kramer and Newman plan to implement Kramer's idea for running a rickshaw service in the city. They are getting a rickshaw from Hong Kong, now they need to find someone to pull it. Jerry confronts Uncle Leo about the stolen book. Uncle Leo claims it is a right as a senior citizen. Elaine catches her man with another woman. Kramer and Newman attempt to interview potential rickshaw pullers from a collection of homeless men; however, their first candidate takes off with the rickshaw. George tries to return his book, but is told the book has been flagged as having been in the bathroom. Jerry rats out Uncle Leo at the bookstore.
Jerry talks with his parents about Uncle Leo's theft and finds out about his prior, the crime of passion of which his mother will not tell him the details. His parents also inform him of the senior approach; it is not stealing if you need it. Elaine plans to use the cheating angle to protect her reputation. Jerry tries to talk with Uncle Leo, but the only thing Uncle Leo tells him is that he never forgets when he's been betrayed. George discovers his book has been flagged in all the databases as a bathroom book. Elaine's plan goes awry when Peterman demands that she help Zach get off the "yam yam" by helping him to quit cold turkey. Jerry has a nightmare about Uncle Leo. Newman and Kramer discover where the rickshaw is and Kramer loses the contest to determine who will pull the other. George tries to donate his book to charity, but even they won't take the marked book. When Kramer gets tired pulling Newman in the rickshaw up a hill and lets it go, the results are disastrous for Elaine's recovered "boyfriend" Zach. George plans to steal a good copy of the book, so he can return it to get his money back. Just as Jerry finds out from the manager that the manager has been told that the store needs to make a good example out of a shoplifter, any shoplifter, as long as they catch him in the act.

b: 09-Apr-98 pc: 917 w: Spike Feresten s: Spike Feresten and Darin Henry & Marc Jaffe d: Andy Ackerman

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174. S09E18 - The Frogger

Guest Stars: Julia Campbell (Lisi) Peter Stormare (Slippery Pete) Reuven Bar (Shlomo) Sam Shamshak (Sal) Wayne Wilderson (Walter) Mark Daniel Cade (Other Walter) Jack Esformes (Mike) Melissa Denton (Kobe) Oliver Muirhead (Lubeck) Drake Bell (Kenny)

Elaine is confronted with cake from two separate birthday celebrations. She is tired of the forced socializing, so she calls in the sick the following day. Jerry & George are going to their old high-school hangout for one last slice of pizza. Kramer was at the police station where he obtained some caution tape used for crime scenes and also hears about a serial killer that is on the loose in the Riverside Park area. At the pizza parlor, George discovers he still has the high score on the old Frogger video game. Elaine's co-workers give her a cake to celebrate her return to work from being sick, she refuses to take part in any future celebrations. Jerry goes out with Elaine's friend Lisi, but she is a "sentence finisher, it's like dating Mad-Libs." George decides to by the Frogger machine, but Jerry asks him how he is going to move it and keep it plugged in to preserve the high score. (This pizza parlor has never had a blackout in all that time? Sometimes with sitcoms, we must suspend reality. Kramer discovers the last victim of the serial killer looked a lot like Jerry. George works to find a solution to his Frogger problem and Kramer volunteers the help of a man he knows named "Slippery Pete." Elaine misses the 4 o'clock sugar rush she had gotten used to from all the celebrations, so she decides to raid Peterman's refrigerator, where she finds a piece of cake. She finds out from Peterman that the piece of cake he has in his refrigerator is worth $29,000 because of its historical significance. The cake comes from the 1937 wedding of King Edward VIII.
Jerry is looking to breakup with Lisi, but discovers that she lives in Riverside Park area. To avoid the serial killer, he takes Lisi back to his place where she finishes one of his thoughts that takes their relationship to the next level. Elaine tells Jerry and George about the cake and she also tells Jerry that Lisi is planning a weekend trip for them to Pennsylvania Dutch country. Jerry fears that Lisi received the wrong message as that kind of a trip is for a serious relationship. Elaine tries to even out Peterman's slice of cake, but gets swept up in the moment and finishes it off. George tries to coordinate the movement of Frogger machine. Elaine looks for a replacement for Peterman's cake, Kramer suggests an Entemann's cake. Jerry goes to Lisi's apartment, where he tries to break up with her. It goes on for ten hours, when he is ready to leave he discovers it is dark out. After exiting her apartment, he sees a man whom he fears is the serial killer and pleads to be let back in. Peterman has his piece of cake appraised at $2.19. When George finds "Slippery Pete" playing his Frogger game on battery power; it is discovered there only about three minutes of power remaining. The only available power source is across the busy street and Kramer has run out of caution tape. It's up to George to get the Frogger machine across the street; however there is no chance of a high score in this game. Later, Peterman shows Elaine surveillance videotape of her eating and "dancing" with the slice of cake; he is convinced that the age of the cake and its effect on her digestive system are all the punishment she needs.

b: 23-Apr-98 pc: 918 w: Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin s: Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin and Steve Koren & Dan O'Keefe d: Andy Ackerman

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175. S09E19 - The Maid

Guest Stars: Daniel Von Bargen (Kruger) Angela Featherstone (Cindy) Anthony Crivello (Maxwell) Markus Flanagan (Charles) Sam Whipple (Phone Guy #1) Kyle Colerider-Krugh (Phone Guy #2) Steve Franken (Brendan) Davenia McFadden (Coco) Damon Jones (Watkins) Chip Chinery (Co-Worker #1) Colin McClean (Co-Worker #2) Anthony Mangano (Fireman)

George searches for a nickname and decides on "T-bone". Jerry has hired a maid to clean his apartment. Elaine suspects there is more than cleaning going on. Kramer's girlfriend is moving downtown (10 minutes by subway) to a different way of life. Kramer tells Elaine he is having a fax sent to her apartment, only Elaine informs him that she doesn't have a fax machine. George makes a play for being called "T-bone" at work, but a coworker gets the honor. Elaine gets home to find 57 messages waiting for her, most of them the fax machine trying to deliver Kramer's fax. Elaine catches Jerry kissing the maid. Jerry confesses that he has a personal and work relationship with his maid named Cindy. Kramer's girlfriend is gone and he tells Elaine that he signed up for a food delivery service. They're going to fax him menus for all the restaurants for the next year. Elaine gets a new number and with it a new area code, she really wanted a "changed" number. Kramer and his girlfriend have a relationship by phone. George finds out about Jerry and his maid. Elaine tries to give out her new number to a guy, but the new area code scares him off. George wants his nickname and confronts his coworker, Kruger sees George's gestures through a window and it reminds him of "Koko the Monkey." Elaine finds out a woman in her building has died, she had a telephone number with a 212 area code. When Cindy takes her fee but leaves without cleaning anything, Jerry wonders what he's paid for. Kramer calls him "a john".
George and Jerry swap information on their respective situations at Monk's counter. Kramer returns from visiting his girlfriend and reports the oddities he saw there. The gang tries to communicate while sitting at Monk's counter. Jerry's maid tells George that there is woman at the cleaning service named Coco. George sees this as an opportunity to get out from under this nickname. Jerry breaks up with and fires Cindy. Elaine gets the dead woman's number and receives her first phone call from the woman's grandson who hasn't been told she's dead. Kramer breaks up with his girlfriend and she throws him out. He gets lost downtown and calls on Jerry for help. While going to rescue Kramer, Jerry is confronted by his Cindy's pimp-like boss. He says that Jerry must pay Cindy. Elaine convinces the grandson that his grandma is dying, the boy calls 911. Jerry spots Cindy walking down the street and tries to pay her but gets busted by the police. Elaine's door is broken down by the fire department. Cindy's boss picks up Kramer and it might lead to a new career in cleaning. George gets out from under being "Koko," only to get another nickname, "Gammy."

b: 30-Apr-98 pc: 919 w: Alec Berg & David Mandel & Jeff Schaffer s: Alec Berg & David Mandel & Jeff Schaffer and Kit Boss & Peter Mehlman d: Andy Ackerman

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176. S09E20 - The Puerto Rican Day

Guest Stars: Mario Joyner (Lamar) Dayton Callie (Cabbie) James Karen (Mr. Canterman) Helen Carey (Mrs. Christine Nyhart) Yul Vasquez (Bob) John Paragon (Cedric) Jenica Bergere (Leslie) Monica Allison (Gail) Marcelo Tubert (Father) Armando Molina (Amigo) Tom Agna (Gary) Tom Dahlgren (Priest) Bert Rosario (Man) Raoul N. Rizik (Parade Goer) Scott Conte (Sketch Guy) Mimi Cozzens (Mrs. Canterman) Alison Martin (Lucy) Marc Hirschfeld (Ellis) Chip Heller (Policeman)

The gang tries to get back into town after leaving the Mets game early in the 8th inning, the Mets are down 8 - 0. On the highway they run into trouble with a maroon Volkswagen Golf. George comments on a new movie he saw about the Hindenburg disaster and the clever comment he made during a quiet moment after the explosion. As they approach 5th Avenue traffic slows down and music can be heard, they realize they have forgotten about the Puerto Rican day parade. Elaine worries about getting home and seeing 60 Minutes as part of her weekend wind down. Kramer spots a way out if Jerry can worm his way over to the right. They almost make it over until they reencounter the maroon Golf. Elaine bails out of the car to find alternate transportation. George bails out of the car when he spots a theater screening the Hindenburg movie; he decides he wants to repeat his glory. Elaine decides the cab she hired isn't working, so she bails out of the cab, only to have it start moving again and again. George's attempt to be funny at the movie is undermined by a guy with one of those funny laser pointers. Kramer suggests that he and Jerry abandon his car. The laser pointer guy (a lousy prop comic) gets all the laughs as George's line bombs and he is humiliated. Kramer cuts a deal with the maroon Golf they are go to get access to the short cut when Jerry makes an apology wave. George returns to the car with the red dot of a laser pointer appearing all over parts of his body. Jerry rescinds his apology wave just as he is about to pull in the alley; Elaine arrives back at the same spot in her cab.
Jerry's apartment is seen, but no one is home. Elaine seeks an alternate way home. Kramer seeks a bathroom. Elaine works her way over to the parade route and looks for a way across. She leads a group of people on an escape route underneath a reviewing stand ala The Poseidon Adventure. Kramer spots an apartment for sale and poses as H.E Pennypacker, a wealthy industrialist, to get access to a bathroom. When he gets back he tells Jerry about the Mets game. Soon after, Kal Varnsen (Jerry's alias), is looking at the television in the apartment. George spots the laser guy and plans a sneak attack. Elaine's route leads to a dead end. George grabs what he thinks is the laser pointer and gets ink all over his hands. Kramer accidentally sets the Puerto Rican flag on fire and a mob of people, led by the armoire stealing tough guys. Art Vandelay seeks the use of a bathroom to clean the ink off his hands and runs into Varnsen. Pennypacker joins them on the run from the mob. Varnsen wants know who's watching the Saab factory. The mob is watching it; however, they leave it in a precarious position.

b: 07-May-98 pc: 920 w: Alec Berg and Jennifer Crittenden and Spike Feresten and Bruce Eric Kaplan and Gregg Kavet and Steve Koren and David Mandel and Dan O'Keefe and Andy Robin and Jeff Schaffer d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: The episode caused a bit of stir in the Puerto Rican community, causing NBC to issue an apology. The controversy involved the flag-burning sequence.

And now Jerry Balsam tells me that laser pointers have come under attack with legislation in NYC to make it misdemeanor to improperly use one. This is probably a good idea, since laser light can cause harm if pointed into the eyes.

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177. S09E21 - The Clip Show (1)

Jerry, Elaine, George & Kramer plan to go to the movie, but Jerry takes out a little time to look at nine years of memories. Featuring relationships (getting in & out), etc.

b: 14-May-98 pc: 921 w: Darin Henry d: Andy Ackerman

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