All praise is due only to Allaah. We laud Him and beseech His

The fault is yours
Some husbands keep their wives faults in their hearts and never 
utter anything to remedy the situation. They do not advise or 
attempt at reforming their wives. Either they keep everything to 
themselves or they may complain to their parents. This method 
is totally incorrect. 
A question which was sent to the 
Jang
explains in detail a 
man’s predicament where his in-laws and their children had 
insulted and disgraced him. Over the years this torment had 
continued and he had remained silent and tolerated it. His wife 
was aware of it but she obviously did not say or do anything, 
because in her opinion it was not a severe issue. One day he 
barred one of in-laws from coming to his house and this flared 

---

131
into a more grave issue. Eventually the situation become so 
intense that his wife demanded a divorce, which he refused to 
issue. Finally she stopped speaking to him and this stalemate 
lasted for more than a year. He continued supporting her and 
fulfilling her rights yet she did not speak to him. He now asked 
for advice. 
Reply:
It is the order of the Shariah that the husband and wife 
live amicably and with mutual love. They should fulfil the 
rights of each other. If this is not possible then they should 
separate honourably. You have messed up your marriage on 
account of your nephew-in-law. You should not have let that 
affect your marriage. You should have ignored it. It is 
surprising that a whole year has passed and neither you, your 
wife nor your children had tried to resolve the issue or gotten to 
the bottom of it. Although your wife is the greater sinner, 
(because she initiated the silent treatment), nevertheless, the 
fault and cause of all this lies squarely with you. My advice to 
you is that you behave in the home with the best of character 
and disposition. Insha-Allaah Ta`ala this will have a positive 
effect on both your wife and her family. Nabi (sallallahu alayhi 
wasallam) said that the best amongst you is the one who is best 
to his wife. 
It is imperative that we observe Purdah from 
na-mahram
family of the wife, like sisters-in-law, etc. It is the effect of all 
this intermingling and Haraam which falls on our marriages. 
When we displease Allaah Ta`ala, then it has an effect on our 
lives. If we observe Purdah from all such women, then 
whatever they say or comment will not affect us because we 
have no relation or communication with them. 
Insha-Allaah Ta`ala we hope you have understood that to have 
a stern disposition, remain silent (especially when there is a 
need to speak), not to make dua and not to make any attempt at 
reforming your spouse, are all acts of oppression and sin. The 
132
responsibility and consequence of this sin and its repercussions 
lie squarely with the husband, because he is supposed to be the 
guide in the home.