All praise is due only to Allaah. We laud Him and beseech His

The Deeni-conscious
Many of our Deeni-concerned brothers are faced with various 
challenges regarding their wives, but their handling thereof is 
not appropriate. They should consult with some reliable Aalim 
or Mufti in their locality and enquire as to how to broach the 
subject and handle the matter with their wives. 
We will discuss a few issues hereunder so as to throw more 
light on the subject. 
1. 
A husband is well aware that his wife falls terribly short 
of fulfilling her Fardh Salaat. She is habitually careless 
regarding her Salaat. Now the husband should not tell her that 
due to her careless attitude she is a 
faasiqah
, or that she is like 
this and that and it is necessary for him to disassociate from 
her, not eat her food, or sleep in her bed. Although all this is 
true, it is by far better if he approaches the matter such: 
“Whenever I enter the home I feel a sense of dread and 
desolateness. I have spoken to a friend of mine one day when I 
happened to stay over at his place and sensed a vibrant and 
happy atmosphere in his home. I realised that they all awaken 
for Tahajjud and perform their Salaats regularly. Do you think 
that it is perhaps we are not careful and particular about our 
ibaadat that our home feels so barren?”
Insha-Allah Ta`ala 
such type of encouragement will set the wife thinking and, 
Allaah Ta`ala willing, she will reflect on her actions and 
perhaps reform herself.
2. 
Another example is perhaps you realise that your wife 
has the habit of studying and ogling at the pictures of people 
and animals in the newspaper and elsewhere. This is 
undoubtedly Haraam and instead of telling her that this act of 
hers is totally Haraam and that you have heard from some 

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Moulana that a person who looks at Haraam will have their 
eyes burn in the Fire of Jahannum, and that they will be 
resurrected on the Day of Qiyaamah with the actors and other 
ill-fated people, it is better if he approaches the matter such: 
You know yesterday as I was walking to the office, my eyes fell 
on an advertising board which had a woman’s picture on it, 
and I felt so ashamed at this sin of mine that I made immediate 
tawbah. I have set to thinking that we see so many pictures of 
people nowadays in every place and it is so distracting and 
harmful to our Imaan. Looking and ogling at these photographs 
(of women) is also unfair considering I have such a beautiful 
wife at home, from whom I attain all my pleasure.
Insha-Allaah Ta`ala the wife will realise her folly and 
eventually abstain from this evil habit of hers. 
3. 
If your wife carries tales from one to another, then 
instead of telling her that her action is totally Haraam and that 
such people will burn in the Fire of Jahannum, etc., it will be 
more prudent if you dilate for her the harms of carrying tales. 
Explain to her that such acts cause dissention between people 
and if ever the truth of the stories being carried around do 
surface, then it causes great disgrace and embarrassment to the 
tale-carrier. You should also tell her that if she knows of 
anyone who indulges in such evil acts she must advise them 
against it. Insha-Allaah Ta`ala, she will realise her folly and 
abstain. 
4. 
If your wife is in the habit of using foul language at the 
children when she is angry and scolding them, then instead of 
rebuking her in their presence it is better if you tell her, in 
privacy, 
“You know what. Today as I was coming home from 
work, I heard someone using very foul language. When I turned 
to look at who the person was, I saw that it was a small child. 
Upon enquiry it was told to me that this child, who is the son of 
so and so, learns all these terminologies and language at home, 
where such talk is the norm. How bad and evil an upbringing 
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for that poor child. What a disgrace he brings on the family.”
There is hope that Insha-Allah Ta`ala she will realise her folly.
Another method is that when she is using the language or 
scolding the children, you should not interject immediately. 
After a while, when her anger has cooled down, and when the 
children have scattered, you should explain to her with 
affection that: 
1. 
If you treat the children in this way then they will grow 
up thinking that this is the way to behave when angry. If any 
angers the child when he is elsewhere then he will react with 
the same language her heard his mother use. All of town will 
then look at us with disdain. My beloved wife, we should 
remember that Allaah Ta`ala had given us these children as a 
trust and we have been made a means of increasing the Ummat 
of Nabi (sallallahu alayhi wasallam). We will be rewarded for 
having taught our children proper manners and character and 
punished for teaching them to the contrary. Their good deeds 
which are the result of their upbringing will benefit us in our 
graves. 
2. 
If you do not abandon your habit of cursing the 
children, then you should know that just as we have faith that 
our duas are accepted, so too are curses. It may not happen that 
the time you make a 
baddua
(curse), hat happens to be the 
moment of acceptance and the curse will take effect. 
3. 
If the children are making a noise then it is 
inappropriate to try to quieten them by also making a noise, i.e. 
by shouting at them.