The skills you need guide to interpersonal skills

Denial of Responsibility
Definition:
 
No matter what the other person says, you maintain that you 
are not to blame.
How this might look in a conversation:
“I can’t find the remote control.”
“I don’t know why you always blame ME when something goes missing!”
Denying responsibility is a common theme in defensiveness. We often deny 
responsibility for our thoughts, feelings and actions when we communicate. 
Not only is this untrue, but it comes off as completely inauthentic.
7. 
Non-Verbal Language
Definition: 
Expressing defensiveness through non-verbal cues.
This might seem very obvious, but it is often the hardest to detect. 
Some common non-verbal cues include:
• 
Whining
• 
Crossing of the arms
• 
Change in tone
• 
Change in speed of talking
• 
Tension in the jaw
• 
Heat in your chest and/or limbs
Everyone experiences defensiveness differently in their body, but the key 
is that we all experience it. By becoming more familiar with how it feels 
to you, you can take action to become less defensive and keep the lines 
of communication open.
MOVING BEYOND DEFENSIVENESS
Once you start to identify the signs of defensiveness, you can start to take action 
to address it. For example, you can start to work out when it is most likely to 
happen (for example, times of day, or when particular topics of conversation are 
raised). You can also start to challenge it, in both yourself and others, by being 
more assertive, and helping others to become more assertive.

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2.
ADVANCED COMMUNICATION SKILLS
ASSERTIVENESS TECHNIQUES
There are various simple tips and techniques that you can use to improve 
your assertiveness skills and also help others to express themselves in a more 
assertive way.
When practising these assertiveness techniques it is important to remember 
what assertiveness is and its importance in the communication process.
REMINDER: WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?
Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive; instead, it is about 
standing up for what you believe.
Assertiveness is expressing your thoughts, emotions, beliefs and opinions 
in an honest and appropriate way. Assertiveness should be encouraged in 
others, so it is also important to remember that we should always respect the 
thoughts, feelings, opinions and beliefs of other people.
Assertiveness allows individuals to assert their personal rights without 
undermining the rights of others. Assertiveness is considered a balanced 
response, being neither passive nor aggressive, with self-confidence playing 
an important part. An assertive person responds as an equal to others and 
aims to be open in expressing their wishes, thoughts and feelings.

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2.
ADVANCED COMMUNICATION SKILLS
GENERAL TECHNIQUES OF ASSERTIVENESS
Two key techniques that can aid assertiveness are known as 
Fogging and the ‘Stuck Record’ technique.
Fogging
Fogging is a useful technique if people are behaving in a manipulative or 
aggressive way.
Rather than arguing back, fogging aims to give a minimal, calm response using 
terms that are placating but not defensive, while at the same time not agreeing 
to meet demands.
Fogging involves agreeing with any truth that may be contained within 
statements, even if critical. By not responding in the expected way, in other 
words by being defensive or argumentative, the other person will cease 
confrontation as the desired effect is not being achieved. When the atmosphere 
is less heated, it will be possible to discuss the issues more reasonably.
Fogging is so termed because the individual acts like a ‘wall of fog’ into which 
arguments are thrown, but not returned.

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2.
ADVANCED COMMUNICATION SKILLS
EXERCISE:
THINKING ABOUT FOGGING