Scatter Brained

04
 Bat tles Royal: 
Th
  e Other White Meat
MISS PIGGY VERSUS BOSS HOGG
Blue Corner:
 Miss Piggy, puppet diva extraordinaire, leading 
lady of 
Th
  e Muppet Show
 (1976–1981). Violent and unpredict-
able, she practices her moves regularly by sparring with a 
lovable frog.
Red Corner:
 Boss Hogg, redneck kingpin nonpareil (who was 
played by a Shakespearean actor wearing a fat suit). Chief 
antagonist of 
Th
  e Dukes of Hazzard
 (1979–1985).
The Feud:
 Th
  e small screen just ain’t big enough for the two 
of ’em—in every sense.
The Breakdown:
 Neither fi ghter is conditioned to go the dis-
tance, so this one’ll be decided in the fi rst few rounds. Count 
on Hogg to bribe the ref with moonshine money and stick to 
the ropes. If Piggy can land her famed karate chop, though, 
it’ll be lights out for the boss.
The Victor:
 Miss Piggy, 
mais oui.
 Don’t mess with the pig, 
Bub.