Scatter Brained

SWINE FLU VERSUS TRICHINOSIS
Blue Corner:
 swine fl u. Vicious virus. Th
  e swine fl u virus, 
carried mainly by birds, caused the devastating 1918 “Span-
ish fl u” pandemic. Kills quickly by obstructing the lungs, 
causing bodily fl uid drowning and, occasionally, fatal mal-
nourishment.
Red Corner:
 trichinosis. Parasite that thrives in undercooked 
pork and game. Kills through attrition, gradually weakening 

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its victim with fever and chronic diarrhea. Transferred through 
undercooked meat.
The Feud:
 Swine fl u used to be the baddest porcine plague on 
the block, but a 1976 false scare by the Ford Administration 
turned it into a laughingstock. Now this legendary ex-champ 
wants a comeback shot against the slow but steady trichina 
worm.
The Breakdown:
 Swine fl u hasn’t been in the game for a 
while, but it hasn’t lost any of the old punching power. Trichi-
nosis can only hope its mere 38 or so U.S. cases a year will be 
enough to squeak by on a split decision.
The Victor:
 swine fl u,  no  contest.  Th
  e way to trichinosis’s 
glass chin is common knowledge: Simply cook the pork. Swine 
fl u, on the other hand, is a consistently surprising fi ghter, 
often leaving doctors baffl
  ed about prevention. In 1918, for 
example, the best many of them could come up with was 
“consume more alcohol,” giving a war-weary Europe, and 
American  soldiers  like  Papa  Hemingway,  another  excuse  to 
hit the cafés.
05
Alcoholism in Literature
(Drunk Writers)