Scatter Brained

DEAD PRESIDENTS
GREAT HATS IN HISTORY
SPORTS MASCOTS
FOURTEEN LIES YOUR MOTHER TOLD YOU
B U L L S
COMMERCIAL MASCOTS
SCRABBLE
THE LIFE AND TIMES OF DR. SEUSS
LESSER CHILD PRODIGIES
SWEEP THE LEG, JOHNNY: MARTIAL ARTS
to
DEAD PRE$IDENTS

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29
01
Dead Presidents
Ex-presidents and political rivals John Adams and Th
 omas Jef-
ferson died on the same day, July 4, 1826—50 years to the day 
after the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Jeff er-
son died fi rst (after asking, “Is 
it the Fourth?”), but Adams 
was unaware of it when he 
mumbled his own last words a 
few hours later: “Th
 omas Jef-
ferson still survives.”
✖  ✖  ✖
Underrated president Millard 
Fillmore had suff ered a stroke 
that his doctor felt would 
best be treated by withhold-
ing food (you know what they 
say—“Feed a fever, starve a 
stroke!”). Desperately hun-
gry, Fillmore was fi nally given 
a spoonful of soup. “Th
 e nour-
ishment is palatable,” Fill-
more noted dryly—and then 
died.
Dying in Offi ce
According to the Bureau of La-
bor Statistics, “timber cutter” 
was one of the most dangerous 
jobs in America in 2002, with 
an annual fatality rate of 117.8 
per 100,000 workers, or 0.12 
percent. Now, we don’t want to 
take anything away from timber 
cutters—partly because they 
tend to own chainsaws—but, 
technically, American president 
is a more dangerous job. In the 
216 years the gig has existed, 
eight presidents have died while 
in offi ce—an overall annual fa-
tality rate of 3.7 percent.

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30
S C A T T E R B R A I N E D
✖  ✖  ✖
Remarkably, Ulysses S. Grant is the only American president 
ever to have died of cancer. Grant suff ered for the last years of 
his life from then-untreatable throat and tongue cancer. But 
something about being near death did wonders for his literary 
talents: His presidential memoirs, which he was still revising in 
his fi nal days, were published by Mark Twain and are still con-
sidered the greatest literary achievement of any president. 
(Jimmy Carter’s picture book—see p. 158—aside.)
✖  ✖  ✖
No U.S. president has ever 
died in the month of May.
✖  ✖  ✖
Th
  e morning of July 4, 1850, 
dawned bright and hot in 
Washington, and President 
Zachary Taylor spent the day 
dedicating the Washington 
Monument. Already over-
heated, he got home and made 
the mistake of gorging on 
cherries and milk. Th
 e combi-
nation caused—well, there’s no polite way to put it—diarrhea, 
which combined with his heat stroke proved  fatal.
✖  ✖  ✖
Now and then some riddle lover will query, “Which American 
presidents are not buried in U.S. soil?” Th
  e two technically 
true answers:
1. 
“Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, George H.W. Bush, and 
Gerald Ford.” Th
  ey are not buried in U.S. soil because 
they are not dead.
By the Numbers
9
   entirely or partly caused by 
stroke
7
  heart disease
4
  pneumonia
1
  asthma (Van Buren)
1
  alcoholism (Franklin Pierce)
1
  cherries and milk (Really. 
See below.)

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31
2. 
“Adams, Quincy Adams, Garfi eld, and Wilson—among 
several others.” Th
  ey are not buried in U.S. soil because 
they are all interred in aboveground sarcophagi.
✖  ✖  ✖
William Henry Harrison’s inauguration day in 1841 happened 
to be extraordinarily cold and wet. Harrison, wanting to ap-
pear presidential, decided to give his inaugural speech with-
out a topcoat or a hat. Th
  at might have worked out okay, except 
he proceeded to give the longest inaugural address in Ameri-
can history, clocking in at just over one hour and 45 minutes. 
Shortly thereafter, Harrison developed pneumonia. He died 
on April 4, 1841, having been president for 31 days—and all 
for want of a hat. . . .