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than becoming
part of a whole, a couple, whose meaning is complete
only when both are together
, each person becomes stronger; each
gains
the skills he was without and, thus strengthened, is
more "whole."
If we
enter love relationships to complete the missing sides of ourselves, then
in some sense when the
exchange
is successful we have learned to get
along without the capacities the other person had
supplied
. (Bellah et al.
1988, p. 119)
In the passage, as in the two metaphors, love is viewed in two possible ways:
In one, there are two parts and only the unity of the two makes them a whole. This
essence of the traditional conception of love, was recognized but not accepted by,
for instance, Margaret Fuller as early as 1843. The
second more recent metaphor
takes two wholes that are each not as complete as they could be, but in the process
of the exchange they both become stronger, complete wholes. In Swidler's words:
"The emerging view of love ... emphasizes exchange. What is valuable about a
relationship is 'what one gets out of it'" (p. 119). Apparently, the exchange
metaphor has become a prevalent metaphor in American mentality. This does not
mean, however, that the unity metaphor is completely forgotten. There are many
people in the United States who still use the unity metaphor as well. [21; 193]
Broader Context
But why did all these changes occur in
the conceptualization of anger,
friendship, and love in American mentality? The explanation comes from
nonlinguistic studies of the broader context.
Anger
As Peter Stearns notes in connection with Victorian emotionology, anger
was not a permissible
emotion in the home, but, for men, it was actually
encouraged at the workplace and in the world of politics. Women were supposed
to be "anger-free," and men, while calm at home, were expected to make good use
of their anger for purposes of competition with others and for the sake of certain
moral ends. But why did this "channeled anger" give way to the ideal of "anger-
free" people or to the ideal of suppressing anger under all circumstances? Why did
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anger become a completely negative emotion? There
were a variety of specific
reasons, as Stearns argues, including the following:
New levels of concern about anger and aggression followed in part from
perceptions of heightened crime, including juvenile delinquency, and the results of
untrammeled aggression in Nazism and then renewed world war. It was difficult,
in this context, to view channeled anger as a safe or even useful emotional
motivation. (1994, p. 195)
As
a result, the attacks on any form of anger, which started around the
1920s, continued throughout the Depression period and the Second World War,
leading to a global rejection of the emotion by the 1960s in mainstream culture.
The new metaphoric image that became prevalent was that of the "pressure cooker
waiting to explode." This fully mechanical metaphor depicted anger as something
completely independent
of the rational self, the angry person as incapable of any
rational judgment, and the resulting angry behavior as extremely dangerous. The
process (that started in the eighteenth century) of the separation of the emotion
from
the self and the body, that is, the "mechanization" of anger, was now
completed.
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