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CHAPTER 7 – ERGENEKON 
226 
sürü tufeyli unsurlarla dolu ruhunu ne kadar merhametsizce ne kadar 
cezaret ve metanetle temizlemeye mecburdur.
O gençlik ki, Anadolu halkının duygularına ve heyecanlarına katılmak 
şöyle dursun, hatta Anadolu yollarında, başbayağı bir gezici olarak, 
yaylı arabalarda dolaşırken bile derin bir ıstıraba yakalanıyor ve 
kendisini bir köyün tezek yanıkları kokan bir hanında cismani 
işkencelerin en müthişini çeken bir mahkûm sanıyor. 
My God, there are people here who still talk to you about Switzerland! 
Our mentality to compare ourselves continuously with Europe has spread 
here. But I had come to this ruined motherland in order to forget 
anything related to Europe. But from now on I understand that it is not 
possible to fulfil this desire of mine. In spite of everything we carry this 
world inside us and in our brains. We look at our own possessions, at our 
own people and at our landscapes always behind it. Sitting in the spring 
cart sometimes cross legged sometimes kneeling and sometimes 
stretching out, I watch all the mountains, the valleys, the plains and the 
yaylas we pass with so much difficulty like someone who looks at some 
exotic pictures sketched and coloured by a human hand. Is it not possible 
to mix my blood with these dry clear waters flowing from the mountains, 
to take from these valleys my soul’s depths and scatter the whole of my 
existence in these plains and in these yaylas? No way! 
Far from being able to absorb Anatolia from its appearance or feel it in 
our bosom, it cannot be possible even to see and learn the essence of this 
blessed people.
We find it very difficult to mix with these people who but with small 
stylistic differences speak our language and have our own religion and 
are from our own kind.
We find all their behaviour strange. We discover characteristics in the 
way they talk and think which cause our mockery, our pity or 
astonishment. In short there always exists one Anatolia and we exist 
beside it. There is no doubt that they too look at us in the same way. 
Who knows how strange they find us too? How complicated our accent 
and how broken our manners and our behaviour, how crippled our 
thoughts and how wrong our words must be to them. There is a way of 
dressing, a way of walking and a way of talking dictated by Anatolia, as 
there is a mentality special to it. They do not look at the world in the 
same way as we do. In every step of mine I feel how deep the gap which 
separates us from them is. I wonder, is it possible for them to fit with us 
and us to fit with them? But before I understand this, it is necessary to 
perceive and know which one of us is on the right path. 
Because of a bedbug assault on the night we spent in Çankırı I started 
wandering in the streets of the town. It was a night of Ramadan when 
everybody was sitting either at the coffee houses waiting for the 
sahur
[meal taken at the start of day’s fasting during Ramazan] or at tekkes 
reciting praises of God. The voices of the muezzins from all the mosques 



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