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Be an independent thinker at all times,
and ignore anyone who attempts to define
you in a limiting way.
Whether it’s your taste in clothing, your needs in a relationship,
or what you do for a living—don’t let anyone else be at the
controls. Define yourself.
The minute you become an independent thinker, two things will
happen. First, positive people and things will be drawn to you like a
magnet. Second, it will serve as a deterrent for negative people who
will try to distract you from achieving your goals. There will always
be people who will be there to plant negative seeds in your garden,
if you make yourself available for that.
Standing up for yourself doesn’t always involve verbal
confrontation. Sometimes it’s about not wasting energy on people
who are negative.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #99
Truly powerful people don’t explain why
they want respect. They simply don’t engage
someone who doesn’t give it to them.
This may seem very simple and obvious to a person with self-
esteem, but it’s usually the very thing that the nice girl does
not
do.
She’ll cosign on the dotted line for a guy who has lousy credit.
She’ll sleep with him before knowing his middle name. And above
all, she’ll let him decide what her value is as a woman, instead of
deciding this for herself.
Kindness is always the first choice. But there are times when you
can’t be kind to someone who doesn’t have your best interests in
mind. When you see this behavior, it’s appropriate to be kind to
yourself by
responding to it, either by correcting the situation or by
not allowing the person to have access to you.
The bitch can be a soft—and very feminine—woman, but she still
has a quiet dignity. This woman lets people know in a graceful way
that she won’t be easily manipulated. She won’t jump through
hoops. And she won’t define herself by what other people think.
A perfect example is my soft-spoken Japanese friend Masae.
She’s been living in the United States for less than a year, and she
speaks broken English with a Japanese accent. Nevertheless, she’s
a wonderful example of the grace and quiet strength that I’m
describing.
Masae was seeing an American man named Steven for some
time. It was his birthday, so she decided to cook him a Japanese
feast. She made miso soup, several types of sushi, and two
authentic hot main courses. She was also an exemplary hostess. The
only feedback Steven gave was that the soy sauce was too salty.
“Next time get the one with the green lid, because it’s lower in
sodium.”
Masae was astonished, but she kept her composure. She said to
him, with her limited language skills, “I cook for you. But if you
complain? I no do for you.” She’s had nothing but praise ever since.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior
without your consent.” A positive person will
say positive
things,
especially when you aren’t feeling up. When you leave his company,
you’ll feel as though your batteries have been recharged. When you
meet someone who is truly great, he makes you believe you can be
great, too. This is the kind of relationship you want, and it’s the only
kind of relationship worth having.
The longer you practice being an independent thinker, the more
attractive you’ll be. You’ll put a “magic spell” on a man. A deadly
“mojo.” You’ll wake up and feel happier than you’ve ever been.
Your aura and your life force will slowly come back.
The media doesn’t perpetuate this; instead they fuel a “cookie
cutter” mentality that women are supposed to fit into a box. “Wear
this because this is hot.” (Change the channel.) “You have got to get
this look”. (Change the channel.) “Say those affirmation jingles:
Claim it; then shame it. Own it and condone it . . .” (Change the
channel.) “This organic hair color will turn heads.”
When a woman is secure with herself, she isn’t afraid to define
herself and defy public opinion. She has her own look. Her own
style. Her own charisma. Her own brand of charm. A man wants
something he doesn’t see every day. Not in terms of a redhead
versus a blonde. He wants the rare woman
who can think for
herself.
When it comes to a commitment or a relationship with most
women, many men feel like lion trainers. It’s as though they have to
use a chair to get the lions to back away. “Back off . . . back off . .
.” So when they meet a woman who has the confidence to hold her
own—or make them come her way— it has a different effect.
They’re not used to it, so they become intrigued.
The bitch isn’t afraid to be different, which is why she won’t be a
“booty call” or a pearl on a long string of pearls. She won’t be a
man’s latenight convenience. She won’t be doing lap dances. She
won’t be afraid to turn thirty or forty years old. At any age, this
woman will feel like a “prize.” She won’t be defined by the media’s
perception of aging; she won’t be made to feel like defective
livestock because she is no longer a teenager. Married, single, or
divorced, this woman feels good about herself.
A woman with an exterior that is too tough is not the “new and
improved” bitch I’m speaking of. Abrasiveness is
not
the objective.
In Italy, there is a very common expression:
È tutto fumo e niente
arrosto.
Literally, it means, “There is plenty of smoke, but nothing
is getting roasted.” When a woman is too abrasive or too bitchy, or
she pretends to be too much of anything, she rarely has anything to
back it up. The “new and improved bitch” is truly strong, because
she is nice. But she also demands the same kindness in return.
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