The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It

UNDER THE MICROSCOPE: BUT MA, EVERYONE ELSE
IS DOING IT!
Social proof can interfere with change if we believe that everyone else does whatever behavior
we are trying to change. Do you ever tell yourself that your willpower challenge is no big deal,

---

because it’s the norm? Do you remind yourself of all the people you know who share the habit?
If so, you may want to challenge this perception. The best way to do this is to find the folks who
share the behavior you aspire to. Look for a new “tribe” you could join. It could be a support
group, a class, a local club, an online community, or even subscribing to a magazine that
supports your goals. Surrounding yourself with people who share your commitment to your goals
will make it feel like the norm.

---

“SHOULD” POWER
Could imagining your former classmates’ awe when you show up at your high school reunion fifty
pounds lighter motivate you to get up every morning to exercise? Can your nine-year-old son’s
disappointment when you smoke keep you from sneaking a cigarette at work?
When contemplating a choice, we often imagine ourselves the object of other people’s evaluations.
Studies show that this can provide a powerful boost to self-control. People who imagine how proud
they will feel when they accomplish a goal—from quitting smoking to donating blood—are more
likely to follow through and succeed. Anticipated disapproval works too: People are more likely to
use condoms when they imagine feeling ashamed if others knew that they had unprotected sex.
David Desteno, a psychologist at Northeastern University, argues that social emotions like pride
and shame have a quicker and more direct influence over our choices than rational arguments about
long-term costs and benefits. Desteno calls this 
hot
self-control. Usually we think of self-control as
the triumph of cool reason over hot impulses, but pride and shame rely on the emotional brain, not the
logical prefrontal cortex. Social emotions may have evolved to help us make the choices that will
keep us in good standing in our tribe, in the same way that fear helps us protect ourselves, and anger
helps us defend ourselves. Imagining social acceptance or rejection can spur us to do the right thing.
Some businesses and communities have started to experiment with social shaming instead of
standard penalties for illegal and socially destructive behavior. If you’re caught shoplifting from a
grocery store in Manhattan’s Chinatown, you may be forced to pose for a photo with the item you
tried to steal. It will be hung on a wall of shame near the store’s cash register, bearing your name,
address, and the description “Big Thief.”
When Chicago police decided to publicize the names and photos of men arrested for soliciting
prostitutes, they weren’t so much trying to punish the men who were caught as they were hoping to
strike fear in the hearts of men who were thinking about buying sex. As Chicago mayor Richard M.
Daley said in a press conference defending the policy, “We’re telling everyone who sets foot in
Chicago, if you solicit a prostitute, you will be arrested. And when you are arrested, people will
know. Your spouse, children, friends, neighbors, and employers will know.” Survey research of
Chicago men who have paid for sex suggests that this policy works. Having their photo or name
printed in the local paper was rated as the strongest deterrent for buying sex (87 percent of the men
interviewed said it would make them think twice). This trumped jail time, having their driver’s
license suspended, and having to pay a fine of $1,000 or more.
28

---