The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It

THE LIMITS OF SHAME
Before we get too excited about the power of shame, it might be wise to remember a little something
called the what-the-hell effect. There is a fine line between the self-control benefits of 
anticipating
a
negative social emotion like shame, and the willpower-draining effects of actually feeling ashamed.
We’ve seen again and again that feeling bad leads to giving in—especially when feeling bad takes the
form of guilt and shame. As a preventive measure, shame may work. But once the deed is done, shame
is more likely to inspire self-sabotage than self-control. For example, gamblers who feel the most
ashamed following a major loss are the most likely to “chase” the lost money by gambling more and
borrowing money to try to recoup their losses.
Even when shame is anticipatory, it may fail us when we need it most. When health-conscious
individuals are asked to imagine a chocolate cake in front of them, and then imagine the shame they
would feel if they ate it, they are less likely to (hypothetically) eat it. However, when researchers
actually placed a large piece of chocolate cake from the Cheesecake Factory on the table, complete
with a bottle of water, fork, and napkin, shame had the opposite effect. Only 10 percent resisted the
temptation. Anticipatory shame might be able to keep you from walking into the Cheesecake Factory,
but when the temptation is in front of you, it has no power over the promise of reward. Once your
dopamine neurons are firing, feeling bad intensifies your desire and makes you more likely to give in.

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THE POWER OF PRIDE
Pride, on the other hand, pulls through even in the face of temptation. Forty percent of participants
who imagined how proud they’d be for resisting the Cheesecake Factory cake didn’t take a single
bite. One reason pride helped is that it took people’s minds off the cake. In contrast, shame
paradoxically triggered anticipatory pleasure, and the participants reported more temptation-related
thoughts like “It smells so good,” and “It will taste great.” Another reason boils down to biology:
Laboratory studies reveal that guilt decreases heart rate variability, our physiological reserve of
willpower. Pride, on the other hand, sustains and even increases this reserve.
For pride to work, we need to believe that others are watching, or that we will have the
opportunity to report our success to others. Marketing researchers have found that people are much
more likely to buy green products in public than in the privacy of online shopping. Buying green is a
way to show others how altruistic and thoughtful we are, and we want the social credit for our high-
minded purchases. Without the anticipated status boost, most people will skip the opportunity to save
a tree. This research points to a helpful strategy for making resolutions stick: Go public with your
willpower challenges. If you believe that others are rooting for your success and keeping an eye on
your behavior, you’ll be more motivated to do the right thing.