The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

HOW TO SAY NO TO YOUR
CHILDREN
I
t’s difficult to say no to kids. As their parent, you want
them to be happy and feel fulfilled. You also want to give
them the opportunity to experience new things. So, you end
up saying yes more often than you think you should.
External pressures also play a role. We don’t want our
friends and family members to think we’re overly strict. And
in public, we don’t want onlookers and passersby to think of
us as uncompromising tyrants. So, we say yes when we’d
rather say no.
Meanwhile, children quickly learn what they can get
away with. Many intuit that the right amount of emotional
manipulation applied at the right time can change a “no” to
a “yes.” Some children learn to use that to their advantage.
Here’s an example:
Child: “Can I spend the night at Sarah’s?”
Parent: “No.”
Child: “You never let me do anything fun! Sometimes, you
make me so angry I could scream!”
Parent: “Fine. Don’t throw a tantrum. You can spend the
night at Sarah’s.”
Giving in teaches the child that when you say no, it’s
not the final word. He or she may be able to persuade you
to change your mind. And once that becomes a possibility,

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expect your child to become persistent and calculating to
that end.
Saying no to kids is about setting clear boundaries. It’s
about articulating what you’ll allow them to do and what
you won’t allow them to do, and setting their expectations
accordingly.
Children have a tendency to test the rigidity of their
parents’ rules. Until they learn otherwise, a simple “no” is
actually a “maybe.” They presume there’s a chance their
parents will capitulate.
If you want to assert your parental authority, and have
your children accept your decisions, you must be willing to
disappoint them. Their agendas will often contradict your
own. The key is teaching them that you’ll stand your ground
once you’ve made a decision. A “no” will remain a “no”
regardless of the tactics they employ in an attempt to
change your mind.