The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

Friend: “Hey, can you take me to the airport this
afternoon?”
You: “No, I don’t have time today.”
Friend (upset): “Are you serious? I’d help you if you asked
me.”
You: “And I’d be happy to help if I had the time. But today’s
not good for me.”
Friend (angry): “That’s really rude! Don’t come to me the
next time you need help!”
Failing to meet your friend’s expectations can erode the
friendship. It can impair the trust and intimacy you share

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with him or her, and make future conversations tense and
even combative.
So, how can you turn down friends without causing
offense? How can you say no to them without causing
irrevocable harm to your friendships?
First, realize that you owe it to yourself to make time for
your own responsibilities and interests. No one will respect
your time more than you. So you must remain vigilant,
reminding yourself that saying yes to one thing requires
saying no to something else. Being a good friend doesn’t
obligate you to put your friends’ priorities ahead of your
own.
Second, don’t wait until you’re frustrated with your
friend to say no. Don’t consent to request after request,
becoming increasingly bitter and resentful that you’re being
taken for granted, and then proclaim “NO!” in a rage.
Third, remind yourself that your friend’s dismay and
anger upon hearing you say no isn’t your problem. As long
as you turn him or her down graciously, sincerely, and with
respect, you’ve done your part.
Fourth, start setting boundaries. If you have a friend
who typically reacts poorly when you say no, take him or
her aside and discuss the matter. Inform him or her of your
feelings, limits, and personal convictions. Be honest with
him or her. Explain how catering to others’ needs before
your own, particularly given your workload and personal
responsibilities, is exhausting and upsetting to you.
A true friend will understand your misgivings and
respect your boundaries.
Encourage your friends to come to you in the future
when they need help. After all, helping friends strengthens
the trust and rapport you share with them. It’s deeply
rewarding to help friends in their times of need.
But make clear that you won’t always be able to say
yes. There will be times that you’ll have to say no. But when

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you do so, it’s always for good reasons - reasons you expect
your friends to acknowledge and respect.

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