The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

HOW TO SAY NO TO YOUR
NEIGHBORS
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eighbors pose a unique challenge. They’re not family, so
you’re unlikely to feel a lifelong allegiance to them.
However, you live near them, so you probably see them on
a regular basis - perhaps every day. The last thing you want
is for things to be uncomfortable between them and you.
What’s a people pleaser to do, particularly if your
neighbors are pushy and demanding?
I’ve heard horror stories of people entering their
neighbors’ garages uninvited to borrow tools. Some even
have the audacity to enter their neighbors’ residences.
My brother has a neighbor who’ll come over and knock
on his door until it’s answered. He’ll sometimes persist for
20 minutes or more. Worse, he’ll look through the mail slot
to see if my brother’s family is home, and even try the
doorknob (presumably to enter if it’s not locked).
Hopefully, you’re not dealing with these types of
neighbors. But even with lesser offenders, it’s important to
set clear boundaries. These boundaries will make it easier to
say no when your neighbors’ requests fail to suit you. And
importantly, you’ll be able to say no without damaging your
neighborly relations because your boundaries will already be
established.
For example, let’s say you work from home. As a result,
some of your neighbors - the ones who work all day - ask

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you to check in on their pets, feeding them and taking them
for walks.
This understandably bothers you. You feel taken for
granted, especially since working from home doesn’t
necessarily increase your availability.
So, you decide to set a boundary. Each time a neighbor
asks you to care for his or her pet, you explain that you
simply don’t do that anymore. With time, word will spread
that you’re unwilling to be your neighbors’ pets’ caretaker.
Reasonable neighbors will respect your decision.
Now, suppose one of your neighbors walks over to your
house and tells you that he’s going to be away on a week-
long vacation. He asks you to feed his dog and take him for
a few walks a day. You can respond by saying:
Jack, you know I don’t watch
other people’s pets anymore. I
made that decision so I could
focus on my own projects.”
“Jack” might be upset. He might become hostile, and
even verbally abusive. But remember, negative reactions to
your refusal to help have nothing to do with you. In this
case, they reflect Jack’s unfair expectations.
Saying no to your neighbors will probably feel awkward
if you’ve never done it in the past. That’s to be expected.
After all, you don’t want to offend your neighbors by turning
them down.
At the same time, you shouldn’t feel guilty putting your
priorities ahead of theirs. You’re in charge of your time,
energy, money, and labor. It’s important that you use these
limited resources judiciously to care for yourself and those
in your charge. You’re the only one who can be relied upon
to do it.
Proactively set clear boundaries with your neighbors.
Then, stick to them with grace and poise. Over time, you’ll

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become increasingly comfortable with saying no, which will
help to align your neighbors’ expectations with your own
convictions.

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