Simon’s ielts writing task 2

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Simon
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IELTS Writing Task 2
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Wednesday, January 03, 2018 
IELTS Writing Task 2: two types of main paragraph 
Let's return to the 'young population' question that you can see in 
this lesson
. Today I'd like to show 
you two different ways to write the same paragraph. 
1. Paragraph describing three separate disadvantages:
On the one hand, countries with a large proportion of young adults may experience various 
problems. Firstly, if considerable numbers of people leave school or university at the same time, there 
will be intense competition for jobs. This oversupply of labour could cause an increase in 
unemployment. Secondly, an abundance of working-age adults may result in higher rates of poverty 
and falling living standards, as governments or local councils are unable to meet the demand for the 
provision of housing and public services. Finally, there is a risk that rates of crime and antisocial 
behaviour may rise if the needs of a young population are not met. 
2. Paragraph focusing on one main disadvantage, with supporting ideas:
On the one hand, countries with a large proportion of young adults may experience problems related 
to employment. If considerable numbers of people leave school or university at the same time, there 
will be intense competition for jobs. This oversupply of labour could cause an increase in 
unemployment, or lead to poorer working conditions as employers realise that they can bring wages 
down and exploit young workers. Another possible consequence might be that young adults are 
forced to migrate abroad in search of work. An exodus of well-qualified young graduates and workers 
is often referred to as a ‘brain drain’, and this is not a desirable outcome for any country. 
Note:
In the first paragraph, I simply describe three separate disadvantages using "firstly, secondly, finally". 
In the second paragraph, I go into more detail about the consequences in one area only (employment 
problems). Both paragraph types can be equally good - it just depends on the ideas that you have.