Again, But Better

21. Ticking Away
2/17/11
TODAY WAS MOMENTOUS. Declan asked me to
shadow him while he edited a photo spread of
Moscow! We didn’t speak much, but I learned
things. I got to watch how he used their software to
craft things together for the next printed installment
of
Packed! For Travel!
They release new articles
weekly on the site, but only publish a hard-copy
issue once a month.
And then … wait for it: A fancy guest photographer
called Lacey Willows came into
Packed!
for a
meeting with Wendy and Donna about a new piece
on Istanbul, and Wendy invited me to listen in on
the meeting. I sat there smiling like an eager beaver
throughout the entire thing.
In other news, the flat is preparing to go their
separate ways for break, which starts tomorrow. I
couldn’t bring myself to book a trip alone, so I’ll be
here. Everyone at work today wished me an
amazing spring break. I kind of wish we didn’t have
a spring break.
In other, other news, this all-consuming crush for
Pilot Penn has come to a crux. I think I need to tell
him because this unrequited thing isn’t working for
me. I hate missing him all the time. I miss him, and
I feel like an idiot. He’s so obviously been avoiding
me. He materializes in passing from time to time,

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and it’s like catching sight of a ghost or finding
yourself in reach of a butterfly. I step toward him,
and he floats out of reach again—he’s on the way to
class; going to meet with the guys down the hall;
just “headed out.”
2/26/11
THINGS I DID ON SPRING BREAK 2/18–2/25: A
HIGHLIGHTS REEL
Went out and bought
The Poet
by Michael Connelly.
Read
The Poet
by Michael Connelly.
Watched
Ratatouille.
Got shawarma on Shwednesday.
Stared into space for long periods of time,
imagining what everyone else was doing.
Tried to start my book but kept getting distracted by
thoughts of what everyone else might be doing and
second guessing every word I put on the page.
Started a
Lost
rewatch (got to mid-season two).
Skyped with the parents more about working in an
imaginary doctor’s office.
2/27/11 11:20 p.m.
Everyone got back today, thank god. I gave Babe a
giant welcome-back hug and gushed with her about
all her adventures, trying to live vicariously through
them. When Atticus got back, we spent a beautiful
thirty minutes digging into
The Poet. He said he’s
going to check out the Mortal Instruments series.
I’m so excited! I have a reader friend now! Sahra
showed me all the stunning pictures she took in
Spain and told me she’s in the middle of reading
The Da Vinci Code
on my recommendation, and
she’s tearing through it. Can you believe it? Sahra

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trusted my judgment. Smart, independent, wise
Sahra!
I stayed in the kitchen all day on Sawyer, going
back and forth between character bios, the blank
document that is my book, and Twitter—while
waiting for everyone’s return.
After Sahra, I waited for Pilot because it’s time to
have the scary talk, so I can stop being sad with
every passing day that we don’t interact. He never
came.
Now I’m in bed with Sawyer—it’s 11:30 p.m. We
have class in the morning, and there he is through
the window. In the kitchen with his computer.
Skyping with Amy again! Is that all he does now?
Must he do it in the kitchen?
February 28, 2011
Mom and Dad,
Last week was spring break. I spent it
alone. I think it’s the loneliest I’ve ever
felt. I miss our house. I miss Mom’s
perfume. I miss Dad’s milkshakes. I miss
Aunt Marie. I miss my obnoxious cousins.
Who do they make fun of when I’m not
around? I miss having a variety of sauces
to choose from when I make pasta. I miss
telling you guys everything.
It’s time to start our writing prompt
for the day. Is it weird that I spend the
weekends looking forward to this class?
XO,
Shane

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