It doesn’t matter if you’re a high-powered litigation attorney and
can give a closing argument that makes his head spin. Nagging still
reassures him of where he stands and where you stand. It doesn’t
give
him anything to worry about, think about, or mull over. It
doesn’t intrigue him or pull him in. Instead, he tunes you out.
Now you want to “talk” and he wants to do anything
except
talk.
And if you press the issue, he’ll shift the blame.
How to Shift the Blame . . .
The Textbook Guide
First, tell her that the timing to discuss it isn’t right. Remember, it’s
never a good time to “talk.”
Before
hearing a word, tell her she took everything wrong and is
being “too sensitive.”
Get a rotation going: Monday and Wednesday she’s
“overreacting.” Tuesday and Thursday she’s “blowing it out of
proportion.” And on weekends she’s “imagining things.”
Change the subject. Say, “You’re starting your period, aren’t you?”
If this doesn’t work, pick a fight. Be very combative, but repeatedly
point out that
she
was the one who started the argument.
If she has six good points, and you have one semigood little point,
place all of the emphasis on your
one semigood little point.
Don’t veer. Keep asking about your one little point over and over,
then demand a quick answer. If she hesitates, use this as evidence
that you are right.
If she is clearly right, find fault with her that has nothing to do with
the incident, and use that.
Be sure to create your own imaginary panel of experts (composed
of people she’s never met). Say, “Even Joe and Jim agree with me
and think you are being completely unreasonable.”
When she tries to explain the same thing in a different way, roll your
eyes.
Appoint yourself her inhouse therapist. Say, “You do this to
yourself. Why
do you do this to yourself?”
Keep count of how many times she repeats herself, and be sure to
remind her.
It’s like boxing. Jab with the left; uppercut with the right. Then run . . .
As Muhammad Ali used to say: “Float like a butterfly; sting like a
bee.”
Float by dodging the issue, and sting by asking why she
“can’t let it go.”
Keep dancing, and stay
light
on those feet.
And, remember, it’s always
her
fault. That’s your story, and you are
stickin’
to it.
The other thing he’ll do is tune you out completely. He can see
lips moving, but he cannot hear what you are saying. Like a remote
control
in his head, you’ve been “muted.” Ideally his hope is that
you’ll “nag yourself silly” to the point of exhaustion. He figures if he
bides his time, eventually you’ll wear yourself out and go away.
Women differ in terms of how long
it takes them to run out of
steam. Evidently, according to the men I interviewed, each woman
—as with clothing, perfume, and lovemaking—has her own
“personalized style” of nagging. Here are some just to name a few:
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