appearance of self-control makes him
nervous that he may be losing you.
Here is a classic case in point. You want to see more of him and
you suggest going away for the weekend together. He says, “No, I
can’t because of work.” You’ve typically whined over the issue of
him not spending enough time with you.
What will throw him and
get his attention is if you go left when he thinks you’ll go right.
If you
don’t
cop an attitude or you appear to lose interest in
going away, he’ll immediately be concerned. Most men are used to
women wanting to be around them all the time. He gets concerned
when he’s busy trying to defend something you mysteriously no
longer want. If you don’t bring it up and pretend to forget all about
it, he second-guesses himself:
“Hmm . . .
why is this okay with her
when I know it’s wrong?” Now his clout or leverage with you will
be
called into question, and he no longer knows if he has a 100
percent hold on you. When he
doesn’t
get the nagging but he
knows
he deserves it, he begins to wonder what’s going on.
Let’s say he likes seeing you two nights a week, but he likes to
do his own thing on the weekends.
Some weekends you get
together and other weekends he leaves you hanging when he goes
out with the boys. The last thing you want to let Yogi Bear think is
that you are Boo Boo the fool. “Gee, Yogi what are we going to do
next? Okay!”
You need to alter the pattern that has become convenient for him
with no attitude and no warning.
Use the same type of excuses
that he wanted you to accept. See him half as much as he wants to
see you. “I’d love to see you Thursday, but I can’t. I am really
behind in my work. I want
to go to the gym after work, and I’m
going to be too tired. We’ll get together next week.” In that one
gesture, you’ve done something you could have never accomplished
with all the whining and nagging in the world. You’ve just rekindled
the flame.
The second you take away the security of a predictable routine,
his orientation changes. Instead of worrying about buying time or
making excuses about work, he has to think of something fun to do
so you’ll want to be with him. When you’re not available,
he’ll go
out of his way to make more time for you.
If you ask any parrot trainer how to train a parrot, he or she will
tell you to raise the perch to about shoulder level. The trainer will
tell you not to raise the bird up higher than you, because the bird
will think he is better than you. No matter how much the bird loves
you, if you put your finger up over your head to touch him, he’ll be
more inclined to bite you. This dynamic with birds is where the term
cocky
originated.
If,
on the other hand, you put the bird on the ground, the bird
feels vulnerable. Trainers suggest doing this to keep the bird “in
check.” If you put your finger out, instead of biting you, he’ll crawl
up on your finger and want to get on your arm.
When your man
behaves as though he is more worthy than you, recreate the balance
and equality in the relationship by gently taking the “little birdie” and
putting him on the ground.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #58
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