oblivion by nagging. “I’ll sting him.” Or they don’t
realize that
they’re nagging.
Every now and then remind yourself: “Hey, men are people too.”
And put yourself in his shoes—being around someone who acts like
your mother isn’t a whole lot of fun.
It’s with your behavior, not with your words, that you let him
know where you stand.
After all, a strong woman is everything men dream and fantasize
about. Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and . . . bitches—it doesn’t
get any better than that.
What Men Think about How Women
Communicate
Women often assume that men aren’t “in touch” with their feelings
and don’t have a clue about
what is going on in romantic
relationships. Because men aren’t as likely to express themselves,
women presume men “just don’t get it.”
Men have an aversion to talking about feelings. They even avoid
watching movies about “feelings.” Mike described to me how men
view emotional movies that women like: “There is always a mother,
a daughter, and the mother’s best friend. The whole movie they are
at a beach, or they are squeezing tomatoes in a garden with a stupid
straw hat on. And everyone is whimpering the whole time. ‘Mama?
Boo, hoo, hoo.’ Then the mom starts crying. A bunch of women
whimpering is not a plot. I can’t sit through two hours of that.”
Men are about as interested in talking about feelings or watching
“chick flicks” as we are watching them get under a car and rebuild
an engine. To them, watching a movie like
Terms of Endearment
o r
Steel Magnolias
is cruel and unusual punishment.
One guy
named Chris recalled: “It was horrible! And I had to watch that shit
for three hours just to prove that I wasn’t an asshole.” This
statement even brought support from a guy standing nearby: “I feel
for you, man. That sucks. That’s almost as bad as having to listen to
Michael Bolton. All that wailing and weeping? I can’t listen to it.”
What is also interesting is how men discuss “feelings.” If you ask
a man to say that word out loud, he’ll pronounce it with a tone of
dread.
“Fff-fffff—feeeee-l
in
gs.”
As the conversation continues,
you’ll notice a pained facial expression as if he’s “going in” for some
kind of invasive surgical procedure. Side effects vary; usually
digestive problems occur. (Therefore, before discussing “feelings,”
make sure to steam some rice to quell his upset stomach.)
This lack of sentiment leads women to believe men are “out of
touch.” But nothing could be further from the truth.
I spoke with
hundreds of men of all ages while researching this book. The
youngest was eighteen and the oldest was seventy; some were
married and some were single.
To my surprise, they were more
articulate about their perceptions than any girlfriends I’ve ever
talked with were about theirs. I found the men to be surprisingly
forthcoming and truthful.
In the balance of this chapter, I’ve taken the best, most revealing
quotes and put them all together in list
form to help women learn
what men notice. I’ve highlighted the quotes that reveal what men
think about a needy woman, a feisty woman, and what turns men on
or off.
This information will “connect the dots,” confirming the advice
given in the other chapters. You’ll
understand not only what the
advice is, but also,
why the advice thoughout this book
was
given.
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