Mindset : The New Psychology of Success pdfdrive com

ISN’T DISCIPLINE TEACHING?
Many  parents  think  that  when  they  judge  and  punish,  they  are  teaching,  as  in
“I’ll teach you a lesson you’ll never forget.” What are they teaching? They are
teaching their children that if they go against the parents’ rules or values, they’ll
be  judged  and  punished.  They’re  not  teaching  their  children  how  to  think
through the issues and come to ethical, mature decisions on their own.
And  chances  are,  they’re  not  teaching  their  children  that  the  channels  of
communication are open.
Sixteen-year-old Alyssa came to her mother and said that she and her friends
wanted to try alcohol. Could she invite them over for a “cocktail party”? On the
face  of  it,  this  might  seem  outrageous.  But  here’s  what  Alyssa  meant.  She  and
her  friends  had  been  going  to  parties  where  alcohol  was  available,  but  they
didn’t want to try it in a setting where they didn’t feel safe and in control. They
also  didn’t  want  to  drive  home  after  drinking.  They  wanted  to  try  it  in  a
supervised  setting,  with  their  parents’  permission,  where  their  parents  could

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come and pick them up afterward.
It  doesn’t  matter  whether  Alyssa’s  parents  said  yes  or  no.  They  had  a  full
discussion  of  the  issues  involved.  They  had  a  far  more  instructive  discussion
than  what  would  have  followed  from  an  outraged,  angry,  and  judgmental
dismissal.
It’s not that growth-minded parents indulge and coddle their children. Not at
all. They set high standards, but they teach the children how to reach them. They
say  no,  but  it’s  a  fair,  thoughtful,  and  respectful  no.  Next  time  you’re  in  a
position to discipline, ask yourself, What is the message I’m sending here: I will
judge and punish you? Or I will help you think and learn?