Mindset : The New Psychology of Success pdfdrive com

P
HILIP:
Gee, I’m so clumsy.
F
ATHER:
That’s not what we say when nails spill.
P
HILIP:
What do you say?
F
ATHER:
You say, the nails spilled—I’ll pick them up!
P
HILIP:
Just like that?

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F
ATHER:
Just like that.
P
HILIP:
Thanks, Dad.
Children Learn the Messages
Kids with the fixed mindset tell us they get constant messages of judgment from
their parents. They say they feel as though their traits are being measured all the
time.
We  asked  them:  “Suppose  your  parents  offer  to  help  you  with  your
schoolwork. Why would they do this?”
They said: “The real reason is that they wanted to see how smart I was at the
schoolwork I was working on.”
We asked: “Suppose your parents are happy that you got a good grade. Why
would that be?”
They said: “They were happy to see I was a smart kid.”
We asked: “Suppose your parents discussed your performance with you when
you did poorly on something in school. Why would they do this?”
They  said:  “They  might  have  been  worried  I  wasn’t  one  of  the  bright  kids,”
and “They think bad grades might mean I’m not smart.”
So every time something happens, these children hear a message of judgment.
Maybe all kids think their parents are judging them. Isn’t that what parents do
—nag and judge? That’s not what students with the growth mindset think. They
think  their  parents  are  just  trying  to  encourage  learning  and  good  study  habits.
Here’s what they say about their parents’ motives:
Q:
Suppose your parents offer to help you with your schoolwork. Why would
they do this?
A:
They wanted to make sure I learned as much as I could from my
schoolwork.
Q:
Suppose your parents are happy that you got a good grade.
A:
They’re happy because a good grade means that I really stuck to my work.
Q:
Suppose your parents discussed your performance with you when you did
poorly on something in school.
A:
They wanted to teach me ways to study better in the future.

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Even when it was about their conduct or their relationships, the kids with the
fixed mindset felt judged, but the kids with the growth mindset felt helped.
Q:
Imagine that your parents became upset when you didn’t do what they
asked you to do. Why would they be this way?