Mindset : The New Psychology of Success pdfdrive com

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM: MORE ABOUT FAILURE MESSAGES
We always hear the term constructive criticism. But doesn’t everyone think the
criticism they give their children is constructive? Why would they give it if they
didn’t  think  it  was  helpful?  Yet  a  lot  if  it  is  not  helpful  at  all.  It’s  full  of
judgment about the child. Constructive means helping the child to fix something,
build a better product, or do a better job.
Billy rushed through his homework, skipping several questions and answering
the  others  in  a  short,  sloppy  way.  His  father  hit  the  roof.  “This  is  your
homework?  Can’t  you  ever  get  it  right?  You  are  either  dense  or  irresponsible.
Which  is  it?”  The  feedback  managed  to  question  his  son’s  intelligence  and
character at the same time and to imply that the defects were permanent.
How could the dad have expressed his frustration and disappointment without
assassinating his son’s attributes? Here are some ways.
“Son,  it  really  makes  me  upset  when  you  don’t  do  a  full  job.  When  do  you
think you can complete this?”
“Son, is there something you didn’t understand in the assignment? Would you
like me to go over it with you?”
“Son, I feel sad when I see you missing a chance to learn. Can you think of a
way to do this that would help you learn more?”
“Son, this looks like a really boring assignment. You have my sympathy. Can
you think of a way to make it more interesting?” or “Let’s try to think of a way
to lessen the pain and still do a good job. Do you have any ideas?”
“Son,  remember  I  told  you  how  tedious  things  help  us  learn  to  concentrate?
This  one  is  a  real  challenge.  This  will  really  take  all  your  concentration  skills.
Let’s see if you can concentrate through this whole assignment!”
Sometimes children will judge and label themselves. Ginott tells of Philip, age
fourteen, who was working on a project with his father and accidentally spilled
nails all over the floor. He guiltily looked at his dad and said: