Mindset : The New Psychology of Success pdfdrive com

REASSURING CHILDREN
How  do  you  make  a  child  feel  secure  before  a  test  or  performance?  The  same
principle applies. Reassuring children about their intelligence or talent backfires.
They’ll only be more afraid to show a deficiency.
Kristina was a really bright high school student who, much to her shame, did
terribly  on  tests.  She  always  studied,  she  always  knew  the  material,  but  every
time  it  came  to  the  test,  she  got  so  wound  up  that  her  mind  went  blank.  Her
grades suffered. She disappointed her teachers. She let her parents down. And it
was only going to get worse as she faced the College Board tests that the schools
she longed to attend prized so highly.
The night before each test, her parents, seeing how distraught she was, tried to
build  her  confidence.  “Look,  you  know  how  smart  you  are  and  we  know  how
smart you are. You’ve got this nailed. Now, stop worrying.”
They  were  as  supportive  as  they  knew  how  to  be,  but  they  were  raising  the
stakes even higher. What could they have said instead?
“It  must  be  a  terrible  thing  to  feel  that  everyone  is  evaluating  you  and  you
can’t  show  what  you  know.  We  want  you  to  know  that  we  are  not  evaluating
you. We care about your learning, and we know that you’ve learned your stuff.
We’re proud that you’ve stuck to it and kept learning.”