individuals were first given a personality and beliefs test.
20
They
were then paired off with a partner and told to go spend time
together. Before meeting, half the couples were told they were very
similar in beliefs to their partner. The other half were told they
were dissimilar. Neither statement was true.
However, when quizzed afterward on how much they liked
each other, partners who believed they were similar liked each
other a lot more than the couples who thought themselves to be
dissimilar, demonstrating we have a
predisposition toward people
we believe are just like us. We are most comfortable giving our
business and friendship to those we feel share our values and
beliefs in life. To that end I offer six techniques to create sensa-
tions of similarity with everyone you wish.
Along with making more profound rapport with customers,
friends, and associates, using the following techniques develops a
deeper understanding and empathy with people of all races and
backgrounds. It also opens doors that might otherwise be closed
to you.
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Just like the finch flaps its wings faster than the gliding eagle, peo-
ple of different backgrounds move differently. For example, West-
erners used to the wide-open plains stand farther from each other.
Easterners, systematically sardined into subways and crowded
busses, stand closer. Asian Americans make modest movements.
Italian Americans make massive ones.
At teatime, the finishing-school set genuflects and gracefully
lowers derrieres onto the sofa. When the ladies reach for a cup,
they hold the saucer in one
hand and the cup in the other, pinkie
ever so slightly extended. Folks who never finished any manners
school make a fanny dive in the middle of the sofa and clutch the
cup with both hands.
Is one right? Is the other wrong? No. However, top commu-
nicators know when doing business with a derriere-dipping pinkie
extender or a fanny-plopping, two-fisted mug grabber, they darn
well should do the same. People feel comfortable around people
who move just like they do.
I have a friend who travels the country giving an outrageous
seminar called “How to Marry the Rich.” Genie was once in a Las
Vegas casino when a television reporter
asked if she could tell the
real rich from the great pretenders.
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How to Make Them
Feel You’re of the
Same “Class”
✰
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Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.
“Of course,” Genie answered.
“All right,” challenged the reporter. “Who is the wealthiest
man in this room?” Convened at the next table were three men in
tailored suits (Hayward of Mayfair, London, no doubt), hand-
made shirts (Charvet of Place Vendôme in Paris, no doubt), and
sipping scotch (single-malt Laphroaig from the Scottish island of
Islay, no doubt). The reporter, naturally, assumed Genie would
choose one of these likely candidates.
Instead, with the scrutiny of a hunting dog, Genie’s eyes
scanned the room. Like a trained basset hound, she instinctively
pointed a long red fingernail at a fellow in torn jeans at a corner
table. She murmured, “He’s very rich.”
Flabbergasted, the reporter asked Genie, “How can you tell?”
“He moves like old money,” she said. “You see,” Genie went
on to explain, “there’s moving like old money. There’s moving like
new money. And there’s moving like no money.” Genie could tell
the unlikely chap in the corner was obviously
sitting on big assets
and all because of the way he moved.
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How to Talk to Anyone
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