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How to Talk to Anyone 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (Leil Lowndes) (z-lib.org)

Comm-YOU-nicate When You 
Want a Favor
Putting 
you
first gets a much better response, especially when
you’re asking a favor, because it pushes the asker’s pride button.
Suppose you want to take a long weekend. You decide to ask your
boss if you can take Friday off. Which request do you think he or
she is going to react to more positively? “Can 
I
take Friday off,
Boss?” Or this one: “Boss, can 
you
do without me Friday?”
In the first case, Boss had to translate your “Can I take Friday
off ?” into “Can I do without this employee Friday?” That’s an extra
thought process. (And you know how some bosses hate to think!)
How to Be a “
You
-Firstie” to Gain Their Respect and Affection
111
03 (093-142B) part three 8/14/03 9:17 AM Page 111


However, in the second case, “Boss, can 
you
do without me
Friday,” you did Boss’s thinking for her. Your new wording made
managing without you a matter of pride for Boss. “Of course,” she
said to herself. “I can manage without your help Friday.”
Comm-YOU-nicate Your Compliments
Comm-YOU-nication also enriches your social conversation. Gen-
tlemen, say a lady likes your suit. Which woman gives you warmer
feelings? The woman who says, “I like your suit.” Or the one who
says, “
You
look great in that suit.”
Big players who make business presentations use Comm-
YOU-nication to excellent advantage. Suppose you’re giving a talk
and a participant asks a question. He likes to hear you say, “That’s
a good question.” However, consider how much better he feels
when you tell him, “
You’ve
asked a good question.”
Salespeople, don’t just tell your prospects, “It’s important that
. . . . ” Convince them by informing them, “
You’ll
see the impor-
tance of. . . . ”
When negotiating, instead of, “The result will be . . . ” let
them know, “
You’ll
see the result when you. . . .”
Starting sentences with 
you
even works when talking to
strangers on the street. Once, driving around San Francisco hope-
lessly lost, I asked people walking along the sidewalk how to get
to the Golden Gate Bridge. I stopped a couple trudging up a hill.
“Excuse me,” I called out the window, “I can’t find the Golden
Gate Bridge.” The pair looked at each other and shrugged with
that “How stupid can these tourists get” look on their faces. “That
direction,” the husband mumbled, pointing straight ahead.
Still lost, I called out to the next couple I encountered.
“Excuse me, where’s the Golden Gate Bridge?” Without smiling,
they pointed in the opposite direction.
112
How to Talk to Anyone
03 (093-142B) part three 8/14/03 9:17 AM Page 112


Then I decided to try Comm-YOU-nication. When I came
upon the next strolling couple, I called out the window, “Excuse
me, could 
you
tell me where the Golden Gate Bridge is?”
“Of course,” they said, answering my question literally. You
see, by phrasing the question that way, it was a subtle challenge. I
was asking, in essence, “Are you able to give me directions?” This
hits them in the pride button. They walked over to my car and
gave me explicit instructions.
“Hey,” I thought. “This 
you
stuff really works.” To test my
hypothesis, I tried it a few more times. I kept asking passersby my
three forms of the question. Sure enough, whenever I asked,
“Could 
you
tell me where . . .” people were more pleasant and help-
ful than when I started the question with 
I
or 
where
.
I’m sure when they recover the flight box from the Fall of Man
under a fig leaf in the Garden of Eden, it will convince the world
of the power of the word 
you
. Eve did not ask Adam to eat the
apple. She did not command him to eat the apple. She didn’t even
How to Be a “
You
-Firstie” to Gain Their Respect and Affection
113

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