This Is Marketing: You Cant Be Seen Until You Learn to See

Different stories for different people
We each have our own narratives. The noise in our head, the worldview that
is unique to us, the history and beliefs and perceptions that shape who we
are and what we choose. And sonder is the generous act of accepting that
others don’t want, believe, or know what we do—and have a similar noise
in their heads.
But in order to bring our change to the world, we need to make some
assumptions about what others believe. We can’t hear the noise in their
heads, but we can watch what they do and make some guesses.
There is a schism in our culture. In various moments, there are two sides
that tell themselves very different stories and act them out in different ways:
1) the populations that default, in certain settings, to dominion, and 2) those
that seek affiliation.
Affiliation and dominion are different ways to measure status

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Every search on “nicest guy in Hollywood” brings up a picture of Tom
Hanks. And every search on “The Godfather” brings us a picture of the
fictional Don Corleone.
Tom Hanks cares about affiliation. Don Corleone measured domination
instead.
Seeing the difference unlocks an understanding of our world, our
political landscape, and how your customers might see things. This section
of our journey is filled with personas, narratives, and exaggerations about
each worldview.
Affiliation:
The questions that someone who cares about affiliation asks himself and
those around him:
Who knows you?
Who trusts you?
Have you made things better?
What is your circle like?
Where do you stand within the tribe?
Can’t we all get along?
Dominion:
The questions and statements that someone who cares about dominion
offers to himself and those around him:
This is mine, not yours.
Who has more power?
I did this myself.
My family needs more of what we already have.
My side dominating your side means I don’t have to be in charge,
as long as my leader is winning.

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On the ball field, a twelve-year-old might care about nothing but
winning. And not just winning, but beating the opposition. He’ll impugn the
referee’s motives, stomp on toes, and hold nothing back in order to win.
That same kid doesn’t care at all about being at the top of his class, but
he cares a lot about who sits next to him on the bus.
In the jazz band, someone is keeping track of how many solos he gets,
and someone else wants to be sure she’s helping keep the group in sync.
The people you’re seeking to serve in this moment: What are they
measuring?
If you want to market to someone who measures dominion or affiliation,
you’ll need to be aware of what’s being measured and why.
“Who eats first” and “who sits closest to the emperor” are questions that
persist to this day. Both are status questions. One involves dominion; the
other involves affiliation.
Not simply eating first, but being on the same team as the person who
eats first. And getting pleasure out of watching others eat last.
Not simply sitting near the emperor, but knowing that you’ll be in his
good graces (and those of the rest of the royal court) tomorrow as well.
Which is the narrative your audience resonates with?