The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It


UNDER THE MICROSCOPE: RESOLVING TO FEEL



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The Willpower Instinct How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More ... ( PDFDrive )

UNDER THE MICROSCOPE: RESOLVING TO FEEL
GOOD
Take a moment to think about your own motivations and expectations for change. Do you only
feel motivated to change when you are feeling bad? Is the best part of setting goals the pleasure
of imagining how succeeding will change your life? Do you use fantasies of your future self to
fix your feelings now, more than you take concrete steps to fix your behavior?
WILLPOWER EXPERIMENT: OPTIMISTIC PESSIMISM
FOR SUCCESSFUL RESOLUTIONS
Optimism can make us motivated, but a dash of pessimism can help us succeed. Research shows
that predicting how and when you might be tempted to break your vow increases the chances that
you will keep a resolution.
For your own willpower challenge, ask yourself: When am I most likely to be tempted to give
in? How am I most likely to let myself get distracted from my goal? What will I say to myself to
give myself permission to procrastinate? When you have such a scenario in mind, imagine
yourself in that situation, what it will feel like, and what you might be thinking. Let yourself see
how a typical willpower failure unfolds.
Then turn this imaginary failure into a willpower success. Consider what specific actions you
could take to stick to your resolution. Do you need to remember your motivation? Get yourself
away from the temptation? Call a friend for support? Use one of the other willpower strategies
you’ve learned? When you have a specific strategy in mind, imagine yourself doing it. Visualize
what it will feel like. See yourself succeed. Let this vision of yourself give you the confidence
that you will do what it takes to reach your goal.
Planning for failure in this way is an act of self-compassion, not self-doubt. When that moment
of possible willpower failure hits, you will be ready to put your plan into action.


THE LAST WORD
To avoid stress-induced willpower failures, we need to discover what really makes us feel better—
not the false promise of reward, and not empty promises to change. We need to give ourselves
permission to do these things, and to protect ourselves from sources of stress that have nothing to do
with our lives. When we do experience setbacks—which we will—we need to forgive those failures,
and not use them as an excuse to give in or give up. When it comes to increasing self-control, self-
compassion is a far better strategy than beating ourselves up.

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