The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It

A WRITER CHALLENGES THE VOICE OF SELF-CRITICISM
Ben, a twenty-four-year-old middle-school social studies teacher with literary aspirations, had set the
goal to finish writing his novel by the end of summer vacation. This deadline required him to write
ten pages a day, every day. In reality, he would write two to three pages one day, then feel so
overwhelmed by how far behind he was that he skipped the next day completely. Realizing that he
wasn’t going to finish the book by the start of the school year, he felt like a fraud. If he couldn’t make
the effort now, when he had so much free time, how was he going to make any progress when he had
homework to grade and lessons to plan? Ben started to doubt whether he should even bother with the
goal, since he wasn’t making the progress he thought he should be. “A real writer would be able to
churn those pages out,” he told himself. “A real writer would never play computer games instead of
writing.” In this state of mind, he turned a critical eye to his writing and convinced himself it was
garbage.
Ben had actually abandoned his goal when he found himself in my class that fall. He had enrolled
in the class to learn how to motivate his students, but he recognized himself in the discussion about
self-criticism. When he did the self-forgiveness exercise for his abandoned novel, the first thing he
noticed was the fear and self-doubt behind his giving up. Not meeting his small goal to write ten
pages a day made him afraid that he did not have the talent or dedication to realize his big goal of
becoming a novelist. He took comfort in the idea that his setbacks were just part of being human, and
not proof that he would never succeed. He remembered stories he had read about other writers who
had struggled early in their careers. To find a more compassionate response to himself, he imagined
how he would mentor a student who wanted to give up on a goal. Ben realized he would encourage
the student to keep going if the goal was important. He would say that any effort made now would
take the student closer to the goal. He certainly would 
not
say to the student, “Who are you kidding?
Your work is garbage.”
From this exercise, Ben found renewed energy for writing and returned to his work-in-progress. He
made a commitment to write once a week, a more reasonable goal for the school year, and one he felt
comfortable holding himself accountable to.
We all have the tendency to believe self-doubt and self-criticism, but listening to this voice
never gets us closer to our goals. Instead, try on the point of view of a mentor or good friend
who believes in you, wants the best for you, and will encourag e you when you feel
discouraged.

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