The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It

E-MAIL CHECK-INS KEEP A GOAL ALIVE
One of my favorite e-mails from a former student came months after our class had ended. She wanted
to let me know that an impromptu exercise I threw out in our last class meeting had made all the
difference in helping her stick to her goals. In that final class, some students were concerned that once
the course was over, they’d lose the motivation to keep up with the changes they had implemented.
There is a big social component to the class, and knowing they can share their experiences—even just
with the person sitting next to them—motivates many to have something to report.
So at the last class, as some students were getting anxious, I told everyone to exchange e-mail
addresses with someone they didn’t know. Then I said, “Tell this person what you are going to do in
the next week that is consistent with your goals.” Their assignment was to e-mail their partner and ask
them: Did you do what you said you were going to do?
The student who e-mailed me months later said that the sole thing that kept her going that first week
after the class ended was knowing she was going to have to tell this stranger whether or not she had
kept her word. But then it turned into a true buddy system of support. They kept the weekly check-ins
going for some time, despite the fact that they had no relationship outside of the class. By the time they
stopped, the changes were a part of her life, and she no longer needed the extra accountability and
support.

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THE LAST WORD
To a remarkable degree, our brains incorporate the goals, beliefs, and actions of other people into our
decisions. When we are with other people, or simply thinking about them, they become one more
“self” in our minds competing for self-control. The flip side is also true: Our own actions influence
the actions of countless other people, and each choice we make for ourselves can serve as inspiration
or temptation for others.