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Coercion
Others fall back on the power of their position, and order others to do what
they want. This, in its most unpleasant sense, is coercion. Again, their family or
colleagues will not necessarily like what they are doing. If it becomes hard, they
may well give up. More orders will be issued, to rescue the idea, but again, may
be unsuccessful, because those involved are doing it because they have to, not
because they believe it is important.
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A BETTER WAY
The ‘Holy Grail’ of persuasion, then, is to get others to buy into the idea,
and want to do it your way. And the best way of doing that is in a way that
others do not notice. But how?
The fable of the sun and the wind is a good example:
The wind and the sun decided to have a competition to decide once and for
all who was stronger. They agreed that the winner would be the one who
could persuade a man to take off his coat. The wind blew and blew, but the
man only held on more tightly to his coat. Then the sun shone gently down,
and within minutes, the man took off his coat.
The moral here is that you cannot force someone to do what they do not want
to do; instead, the art of persuasion is to get them to want what you want.
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PERSUASION UNSEEN
Consider this example of a group of students choosing a leader for a group task.
The group had agreed on the ideal type of person, and there were two
obvious candidates within the group, Sue and Steven.
Sue suggested that Steven should take on the task, and he accepted happily.
Decision made. Everyone smiled, except for one member of the group, John.
John, who had until that moment been silent, said: “Steven, don’t forget to let
us know what you want us to do to help. With your new job, you’re going to
have a lot on, and you’ll need to make sure you get us organised or we won’t
get it all done.”
Steven looked thoughtful, and then said, “You know, on reflection, I’m not
sure I’ve got time to do this as well as starting my new job. I have got a lot on,
as you say. Maybe it would be better if Sue did it.”
Everyone looked at Sue, who said that she would take it on if the group
wanted. They all agreed that would be best.
Sue later asked John privately why he had intervened when the group had
already decided on a leader. He said that he thought she would do it better
than Steven, and get a better result for the group.
In this example, John had used his persuasion skills very subtly to get
what he wanted, and created a win–win situation from a potentially
unpleasant conversation.
Steven was happy that the group had acknowledged his skills, and equally
happy that he was not leading the task.
In fact, at the end, he wanted Sue to lead it, without John ever having to risk
upsetting him by saying that he thought Sue would be better.
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BARRIERS TO SUCCESSFUL PERSUASION
One way to think about what works in persuading others is to think about what
does not work first. In his book Persuasion IQ, Kurt Mortensen lists ten obstacles
to successful persuasion:
1.
Thinking that you are better at persuasion than you are, and therefore
failing to hone your skills. Instead, take a long, hard look at yourself,
and see where your skills need to be improved.
2.
Trying too hard to persuade. Seeming too keen probably puts people
off faster than anything else.
3.
Failing to put in the effort required to get what you want. Nothing, or
at least not much, is free in this world.
4.
Talking too much. Stop, and just listen to the people you need to persuade.
5.
Providing too much information, which just confuses people, and
makes them think you are trying to blind them with science. What,
they ask, are you not telling them?
6.
Getting desperate. Like insincerity, people can spot fear at a distance,
and do not like it.
7.
Being afraid of rejection. This can even stop people from trying to
persuade in extreme cases.
8.
Not being prepared. You cannot ‘wing it’ every time. Your audience will
see through you, and will think that you value your time more highly
than theirs.
9.
Making assumptions about your audience, and then not being prepared
to reassess when new evidence emerges.
10.
Forgetting that the whole conversation is important. You need to
engage right from the beginning if you wish to persuade.
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SUCCESSFUL PERSUASION
Research shows that there are a number of things that people like about
successful persuaders.
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