The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF
ASSERTIVENESS
M
any people think assertiveness is something you’re born
with. But that’s incorrect. Assertiveness is a learned trait. In
the context of this book, it’s a learned skill.
Being assertive means having the self-confidence to
express your needs and wants, and pursue your own ends,
even in the face of opposition. It involves telling people
where you stand on a given topic and leaving no room for
confusion.
Assertiveness is declaring your point of view and not
feeling as if you need others’ approval or validation.
For example, suppose you’re discussing politics with a
friend. Being assertive means expressing your position even
if it contradicts your friend’s position.
Another example: suppose you’re watching the latest
blockbuster movie at your local theater, and the person next
to you is talking loudly on her phone. Assertiveness is
asking her to lower her voice or turn her phone off.
Or suppose a friend asks you to take him to the airport
on Friday. If you made other commitments, being assertive
means telling him no, even if doing so causes him to react
poorly.
At its most basic form, assertiveness is candid
communication. Nothing more. That’s good news because it

---

means assertiveness isn’t a skill you’re born with. You can
develop it with training and practice.
In The Art Of Saying NO, we’ll discuss assertiveness as it
applies to turning down requests others make of you. That’s
the purpose of this book. But along the way, you’ll find that
this single, crucial skill (i.e. saying no) can serve as the
launching pad for becoming more assertive in every area of
your life.
As you learn to be more assertive, your mindset will
change. You’ll become more willing to share your ideas with
others. You’ll be more inclined to ask for things you need
and want. You’ll be less hesitant to express your opinions,
and more ready to speak up for those who are unable or
unwilling to speak up for themselves.
And of course, you’ll become better and more adept at
giving voice to that simple, beautiful word that can literally
change your life: “no.”

---