The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

WE WANT OTHERS TO LIKE US
T
he desire to be liked is universal. We want others to be
drawn to us, to trust us, and to feel better for having spent
time with us.
This desire is hardwired into our psyches. It’s how we
build connections with other people. We try to relate to
them, and empathize with them, in the hope of being
accepted by them.
It’s unsurprising that we often say yes when we know
we should say no. It’s an instinctive response borne of our
longing for other people’s approval.
Here again, I speak from experience. When I was in high
school, I wanted desperately to be liked by my peers. And
so, whenever someone asked me for a favor, whether that
entailed my time, effort, or money, I jumped at the chance.
I was the ultimate people pleaser. I was incapable of
saying no since doing so meant abandoning an opportunity
to receive someone’s approval.
This is a common weakness. Many people struggle with
it even if they refuse to admit as much.* But it’s important
to recognize this yearning for validation as a trigger for our
tendency to say yes. When we’re aware of our motivations,
we can review them and take steps to realign our decisions
with our values.
If you routinely say yes to people so they’ll like you,
keep reading. I’ll show you how to short-circuit this impulse,

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and reclaim your time, energy, and dignity in the process.
And here’s something that should excite you: learning to
say no with purpose and poise will actually improve your
status in the eyes of your friends, family members, and
coworkers. You’ll no longer be seen as a doormat. Instead,
you’ll gain their respect and inspire their trust.
* I’m happy to share my own embarrassing stories because
they provide examples of personal growth. To that end, if I
can overcome the people-pleasing habit, you can, too!

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