The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted

WE WANT TO AVOID
DISAPPOINTING PEOPLE
I
f you’re like me, you hate disappointing people. You cringe
when you see a look of sadness following your words or
actions. You shudder at the possibility that you may have
been the cause. Seeing that look can make you feel as if
you’ve let others down.
It’s more than just an intellectual realization. You can
feel it in your gut.
This guilt is unwarranted. You’re not responsible for
causing others disappointment when you say no to them. To
fully appreciate this fact, it’s important to understand how
disappointment occurs.
Disappointment springs from unmet expectations. Recall
times in your life when you’ve experienced this emotion.
The trigger was undoubtedly something that failed to meet
your presumed outcome.
For example, you might have visited a restaurant after
reading rave reviews only to find that you disliked the food
and ambiance. Neither met your expectations, and you were
thus disappointed.
Another example: perhaps you expected your child to
receive straight A’s on his or her report card, and were
surprised to find B’s and C’s. You were likely disappointed.
Or let’s say you’re expecting a promotion at work. When
you’re passed over for the promotion, you feel let down.

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Why? Because your expectations were unrealized.
Now, consider how this plays out when you say no to
someone. Suppose a coworker asks for your help, but you’re
already overwhelmed by your own responsibilities. So you
rebuff the request.
Your coworker becomes visibly disappointed by your
refusal to help. But is his or her disappointment truly your
fault? Or did your coworker approach you with unrealistic -
and perhaps even unfair - expectations regarding your
ability and willingness to offer help?
The latter scenario is almost certainly the case unless
you had previously promised to help your coworker. That
being true, you cannot be held responsible for his or her
disappointment.
When you acknowledge this fact, you’ll find it easier to
let go of your fear of disappointing people when you say no
to them. You’ll come to appreciate that their disappointment
is neither your fault nor responsibility.
This perspective will give you the courage to stop
accommodating every request and invitation that comes
your way.

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