Scatter Brained

C H A P T E R   3

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64
S C A T T E R B R A I N E D
Only John Coltrane could make being in the high school band 
cool. After learning to read music from local pastor and scout-
master Warren Steele, Coltrane joined the dance band at Wil-
liam  Penn  High  School  in  High  Point,  North  Carolina.  He 
started out on clarinet but, fortunately for the entire world 
(and all of music to come), eventually switched to saxophone.
✖  ✖  ✖
Name:
 Bill Clinton
Geek Level:
 
★★
    He’s the geek we always wanted to be: 
the one who gets the girls.
Arguably the most famous of former band geeks, U.S. pres-
ident emeritus Bill Clinton was the top saxophone player 
in his high school band. He practiced daily, attended band 
camp every summer, and won first chair in the Arkansas 
state band’s sax section. We can only conclude that either 
Arkansas’ state band had a terrible sax section or Clinton’s 
talents had atrophied somewhat by the time he played sax 
on 
The Arsenio Hall Show
 in 1992.
✖  ✖  ✖
Name:
 Frank Zappa
Geek Level:
 
★★★★
    He named one of his own children 
Dweezil, after all.
Frank Zappa played drums in his school marching band until 
he was thrown out for smoking in uniform. Zappa went on to 
compose, arrange, and conduct an avant-garde performance 
piece for the student orchestra. Show-off !
✖  ✖  ✖
Name:
 Drew Carey
Geek Level:
 
★★★★

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65
Carey played cornet and trumpet in the marching band. He’s 
come a long way since his geeky band days, forging a career 
for himself as, well, a geeky comic.
✖  ✖  ✖
Name:
 GG Allin
Geek Level:
  At  some  point,  Allin  crossed  over  from  geek  to 
freak. He gets the full 
★★★★
 for freakiness.
Before dropping out of high school, Allin played drums in the 
band. He went on to become one of the most notorious front-
men in punk-rock, jailed more than 50 times for onstage an-
tics ranging from defecating on his audiences to fi ghting 
brutally with fellow band members. Allin’s legal name, inci-
dentally, was Jesus Christ Allin—GG was a nickname that 
we cannot begin to explain in print. But speaking of nick-
names . . .