Scatter Brained

GREECE (THE COUNTRY)
UNPLEASANT EXECUTION METHODS
TOILET FACTS
BACK WATERS OF LINGUISTICS
to
GREASE (THE LUBRICANT)
TOBACCO TIMELINE
FUNER AL RITES
L ATIN YOU SHOULD KNOW
LITER ARY ECCENTRICS
to
GREASE
(THE MUSICAL)
AND OTHER TALES FROM BROADWAY

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01
 Greece (the Country):
Th
  e Only Facts You Need to Know
Everyone knows the story of the marathon: Some Greek 
guy ran for about 20 miles from the city of Marathon to 
neighboring Athens, whereupon he gasped, 
“Nike,”
 and 
promptly died. (Th
  at wasn’t an early form of product place-
ment, just the Greek word for “victory.”) You might not 
know, however, that at the fi rst modern Olympics in 1896, 
the marathon distance was set at 24.85 miles (40 kilome-
ters). So why is it 26.2 today? To please the King of England, 
of course! For the 1908 Olympics in London, the distance 
was lengthened to 26 miles so the course could go from 
Windsor Castle to White City Stadium and then lengthened 
another 385 yards so the race could fi nish right in front of 
Kind Edward VII’s stadium box. Now you know whose name 
to curse when staggering those last miserable marathon 
steps.
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Th
 e fi rst winner of the modern Olympic marathon, inciden-
tally, was a Greek. Spyridon Louis, a postal worker (who 
trained, we imagine, by running away from ferocious dogs). 
He fi nished in 2:58:50.

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S C A T T E R B R A I N E D
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And you thought 99 bottles of beer on the wall was bad: Th
 e 
Greek national anthem, with its 158 stanzas, is the longest 
national anthem in the world.
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If  you’ve  ever  found  yourself  legs  akimbo,  feet  in  stirrups, 
wondering why they call it a “Pap” smear: Greek-American 
George Papanicolaou created the test, which has helped re-
duce cervical cancer fatality rates by almost 50 percent since 
its introduction in the 1940s. (For some reason, “Papanico-
laou smear” never caught on.)
Eat, Drink, and Be Merry
EAT . . .
Scholars believe ambrosia, the food of the Greek gods, was a puri-
fi ed kind of honey. It was said to give the gods strength (and if eaten 
by regular folk, it could even bring immortality). Also, it never caused 
heartburn, which is more than can be said for moussaka, the ubiqui-
tous ground meat and eggplant casserole popular with contempo-
rary Greeks. 
DRINK . . .
The Greek gods washed down ambrosia with nectar, the aromatic 
wine of the Greek divinities. But palates aren’t as sophisticated as 
they once were: These days, Greeks often mix white wine and 
Coca-Cola (“a poor man’s Red Bull and vodka,” we’ll call it). So 
how old do you have to be to guzzle this makeshift bit of deli-
ciousness? Just sixteen, in Greece.