Scatter Brained

BEATING THE ODDS
Th
  e son of an extremely demanding father, Norbert Weiner 
(1894–1964) entered college at 11 and received his PhD in 
mathematics from Harvard when he was 18. But his transi-
tion from successful prodigy to successful grown-up was 
fraught with depression, anger, and general immaturity. He 
eventually persevered and ended up inventing the fi eld  of 
cybernetics, the study of abstract systems and controls. 
(Weiner used cybernetics to make American artillery fi re 
C H A P T E R   2

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52
S C A T T E R B R A I N E D
more accurate.) Despite his eventual success, Weiner had 
mixed feelings about his upbringing. Surprisingly enough, it 
wasn’t easy to grow up smart and named Norbert. Talk about 
a kid who needed kung fu lessons. . . .
10
  Sweep the Leg, Johnny: 
A History of Fighting and Defense
JUDO 
Created by:
 Jigoro Kano, (1860–1938)
History:
 Jujitsu, meaning (curiously enough) “the gentle 
practice,” was the catchall name for deadly Japanese unarmed 
combat. Jigoro Kano removed the deadliest moves and called 
it judo, “the gentle way.”
Perfected by:
 Probably no one you know. Of 50 medal win-
ners in the 2004 Olympics, only one (American Jimmy Pedro, 
Bronze) speaks English as a fi rst language.
Advantages:
 Judo uses the opponent’s weight and power to 
their disadvantage, which makes it tough to fi ght little girls.
Best Moves:
  Th
 e crucifi x submission hold, which sounds at 
once sacreligious and pervy, is so powerful you can break 
your opponent’s neck.
KUNG FU
Created by:
 Th
  e Chinese, circa 500 BCE
History:
  Kung  fu  is  a  collective  term  for  Chinese  martial 
arts. Encompassing many styles of combat, kung fu has 
a  long and intricate history that culminated in a bunch of 
B movies.

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53
Perfected by:
 Bruce Lee (not David Carradine or Keanu 
Reeves)
Advantages:
 You’ve got a broad range of techniques at 
your disposal, from drunken boxing to tai chi. If you know 
all of kung fu, there are few butts you probably cannot kick.
Best Moves:
 Although it sounds funny, drunken boxing is 
perhaps the most deadly and diffi
  cult kung fu style.
Best Defense:
  If  you’ve  just  made  Jackie  Chan  angry,  your 
best bet is probably a plane ticket.
BOXING
Created by:
 Homo sapiens, circa 4000 BCE
History:
 Th
  e earliest written record of boxing is from ancient 
Greece, but there is evidence of boxing matches more than 
6,000 years ago. Boxing was probably the fi rst martial art, 
the fi rst self-defense technique, and the fi rst sport.
Perfected by:
  Th
  e only undefeated heavyweight champion 
was Rocky Marciano (49–0).
Advantages:
 One good punch is all you need.
Best Moves:
  Th
  e force of an uppercut comes not only from 
the arm and shoulders, but also from the legs and hips—
making it the most powerful punch in boxing.
Best Defense:
 Probably a gun. Even if you can’t block their 
punches, they’ll have a hard time blocking your bullets.