American Sniper: The Autobiography of the Most Lethal Sniper in U. S. Military History

W
e set up a few rules that we would live by. And we both agreed
to go to counseling.
Taya:
Things just got to the point where I felt as if I was
looking down into a deep pit. It wasn’t just arguments
over the kids. We weren’t relating to each other. I could
tell his mind had strayed from our marriage, from us.
I remember talking to a girlfriend who’d been
through an awful lot. I just unloaded.
She said to me, “Well this is what you have to do. You
have to lay it all on the line. You have to tell him that
you love him, and you want him to stay, but if he wants
to go, he is free to do so.”
I took her advice. It was a hard, hard conversation.
But I knew several things in my heart. First, I knew I
loved Chris. And second, and this was very important to
me, I knew that he was a good dad. I’d seen him with
our son, and with our daughter. He had a strong sense of
discipline and respect, and at the same time had so much

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fun with the kids that by the time they were done playing
they all ached from laughing. Those two things really
convinced me that I had to try to keep our marriage
together.
From my side, I hadn’t been the perfect wife, either.
Yes, I loved him, truly, but I’d been a real bitch at times.
I had pushed him away.
So both of us had to want the marriage and we both
had to come together to make it work.
I’d like to say that things instantly got better from that point on.
But life really isn’t like that. We did talk a lot more. I started to
become more focused on the marriage—more focused on my
responsibilities to my family.
One issue that we didn’t completely resolve had to do with my
enlistment, and how it would fit with our family’s long-term plans.
My earlier reenlistment was going to be up in roughly two years; we
had already begun discussing that.
Taya made it clear that our family needed a father. My son was
growing in leaps and bounds. Boys do need a strong male figure in
their lives; there was no way I could disagree.
But I also felt as if I had a duty to my country. I had been trained
to kill; I was very good at it. I felt I had to protect my fellow
SEALs, and my fellow Americans.
And I liked doing it. A lot.

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But . . .
I went back and forth. It was a very difficult decision.
Incredibly difficult.
In the end, I decided she was right: others could do my job
protecting the country, but no one could truly take my place with
my family. And I had given my country a fair share.
I told her I would not reenlist when the time came.
I still wonder sometimes if I made the right decision. In my mind,
as long as I am fit and there is a war, my country needs me. Why
would I send someone in my place? A part of me felt I was acting
like a coward.
Serving in the Teams is serving a greater good. As a civilian, I’d
just be serving 
my
own good. Being a SEAL wasn’t just what I did;
it became who I was.