The more relaxed he is, the less guarded he’ll be; and then it’s
only a matter of time before he reaches the point of no return. When
he’s in madly in love, you won’t need to say things like “Where are
you going?” or “What are you doing?” He’ll tell you everything you
ever wanted to know because he
wants
to, not because you had to
ask. And, if and when he does go out with the boys, he won’t be
able to wait to get home to you.
The Power of Choice
Who can forget the scene in
Coming to America
in
which Eddie
Murphy, as the prince, stands before the altar prepared to wed his
beautiful bride in a prearranged marriage? Before the ceremony, he
takes the bride into a back room and asks her, “What do you like?”
She responds, “Whatever you like.”
Then he asks her what she
likes to eat. “Whatever you like.” Her answers become more and
more subservient. Then he tells her to bark like a dog and hop on
one leg. When she does, he realizes he can’t go through with the
wedding.
A man wants a woman who has a mind of her own. An
opinion.
The way you assert yourself lets him know whether you have self-
confidence. It lets him know you
can hold up your end of the
bargain. When he gives you a “little crap,” you can give him a “little
crap” right back. He respects a woman who can “trade blows” with
him
and hold her own.
You don’t have to always agree with everything he believes. A
man falls in love with a woman when he feels he has “met his
match.”
If you feel strongly about something, don’t be afraid to say so.
When he asks, “What movie do you want to see?” don’t always tell
him to choose. How about saying, “Hey, I sat through two of your
‘shoot-’em-up-bang-bang’ movies, so we’re seeing a ‘chick-flick’
tonight.” Men are attracted to a woman who can speak her mind.
As one married man described, “Sometimes, get dressed to go out
and tell
him
to stay home with the kids. Don’t ask him.
Tell him.”
Another said something even more poignant. “I don’t think most
men would mind if a woman was the one in control at home. Just as
long as no one else knew about it.”
So begin your dating relationship with a voice. Don’t give the
impression you are spineless. Remember the scene in
When Harry
Met Sally
when Meg Ryan’s character takes an hour to order her
sandwich? Have an opinion. State a preference. Be polite, but don’t
be afraid to express yourself.
For example, suppose you’re
at the video store deciding
between two movies to rent. Don’t get the one that you’ve already
seen. “I’ll see it again if you haven’t seen it.” Slap yourself. “There
are a lot of good movies. How about we get one neither one of us
has seen?”
If he suggests Indian food and you absolutely hate it, say, “Hey, I
heard there’s a really good new restaurant right next door.” Show
him that you aren’t afraid to make a suggestion or take the initiative.
Assume that a man wants to be a gentleman. And if he wants to be
a gentleman, he wants to
please you.
The bitch requires an equivocal situation,
whereas the nice girl
does not. If the guy insists on picking the movie or restaurant all the
time and has no regard for what she likes, the bitch will not have
any contact with him. It isn’t about Italian or Chinese. It isn’t about
one movie over another. It’s about
whether he shows her he is
selfish. This is a character flaw the bitch won’t tolerate.
This is a silly example, but I’ll offer
it because evidently it
worked. A Swedish girlfriend of mine named Anna recently had
dinner with a man, and he ordered two lobsters. The waiter brought
the two live lobsters to the table and asked, “Will this be okay, sir?”
My friend is not a vegetarian, but she grew up with a couple of pet
frogs in Sweden and was alarmed to see the lobsters’
little legs
kicking. She said, “I just couldn’t sit through the next five minutes
knowing these two things would be boiled alive,” and she insisted
that he change the order.
Anna would have bet her life savings that this guy would never
call her again, but he did. He called almost every day that week. He
wanted to please her more than he wanted lobster. That’s a
gentleman. I’m not saying the lobster example is a trick you should
try at home, but it’s far better than
the Eddie Murphy bride who
said, “Whatever you like.”
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #19
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