One Jujube at a Time
If you look at the run-of-the-mill survey of what men find attractive
in a woman, you’ll
get the basic, boring, predictable answers:
“Studies have concluded that what men look for is . . . appearance,
chemistry, and the way a woman carries herself.” What a shocker!
Then you turn the page. “Buy a new lip gloss . . . pluck out all
your eyebrows and draw them back in . . . stick three vials of
collagen in your glossed-up lips . . .” And this will get him eating out
of your hand, right? Not in
this
life. You’ll be right back where you
started but with no eyebrows.
Ever wonder why you see a gorgeous guy marry the girl-next-
door? To your eye she looks plain, but to his eye she’s a “natural
beauty.” It doesn’t matter if her
most glamorous moment was
winning the Miss Pumpkin Patch contest on a farm at age six. When
he goes to bed with her, he’s happier than a fat rat in a cheese
factory.
In general, there are two things
a woman does to encourage a
man to fall madly in love
after
he is attracted to her. First, she
appeals to his imagination, sexually. Second, she waits a little while
before consummating the relationship, sexually. This brings us to the
“candy store” theory:
Don’t give up the candy store at once.
Give it one jujube at a time.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #21
If a man has to wait before he sleeps
with a woman, he’ll not only perceive her
as more beautiful, he’ll also take time
to appreciate who she is.
What men don’t want women to know is that, almost
immediately, they put women into one of two categories: “good time
only” or “worthwhile.” And the minute he slides you into that “good
time only” category, you’ll almost never come back out.
It’s not that the bitch is slutty or more conservative—it’s that she
demands that he treat her as though she is “worth-while.” And,
more often than not, it means revealing her sexuality a little at a time.
With her demeanor, the bitch is subtly “driving that train.”
Because he perceives her as slightly standoffish, he knows a lot of
other men can’t get to her. In fact, he’s not even sure if
he
can have
her. So he’ll rarely get the luxury of being able to assume that she’s
a “good time only” companion.
The doormat is more likely to
be perceived as a pushover
sexually because she’s more likely to sleep with a man for the
wrong reasons—and
much
too soon. It has nothing to do with
whether she appears conservative. Whether her style is long skirts
and a ponytail and she attends napkin-folding class—or she wears
sexy clothes and seems like a party girl—the out-come can be the
same. In either scenario, if she has sex with a man because she feels
she
needs to do so in order to win him,
he’ll sense it and begin to
lose respect for her.
A man named Brad described this distinction: “There are two
types of sexy. The woman who is obviously
trying
to be sexy. Then
there is the woman who
isn’t trying
to be sexy—she just is. Most
guys find the second one to be much sexier. It may not seem like
that, because the woman who is
trying hard
will get you to do a
double-take because she’s more obvious about it. But the woman
who isn’t trying is sexier. And that’s the girl you’ll take seriously.”
What is more interesting is that Brad is just out of college. And if
a guy in his early twenties saw this with 20/20 vision, rest assured—
so will most men you meet.
The following table shows how
a man can quickly make these
observations with relatively little information. Note that both types
of women exude sexiness,
yet one appears
needy
and the other
doesn’t.
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