The OK matrix
The OK matrix (Figure 8.3) illustrates four basic ways in which we may feel
about ourselves and other people. However self-confident we are, there are
bound to be times when each of us will not feel ‘OK’, i.e. sure of ourselves.
For example, no one feels completely ‘OK’ on his or her first day in a new job.
The adolescent does not basically feel ‘OK’ in an adult world. Some people
consistently feel less ‘OK’ than others and are then said to have an inferiority
complex.
At times when we do not feel ‘OK’ most of us will try to prove ourselves in
a variety of ways. If these ways fit into the value system of the organization to
which we belong, the effect will be perceived as positive – teenagers may
strive for distinction in the examination room or on the sports field;
salespeople will seek to achieve their targets and possibly to be the best;
managers will seek to demonstrate their effectiveness to their superiors.
However, if these methods do not succeed, individuals may, in their
under-confidence, adopt less constructive approaches. Teenagers may seek
the approbation of their fellows by being disruptive; salespeople may blame
the market, the system, the targets; managers may feel that they must
suppress the initiatives of their subordinate which they perceive as a threat.
Ironically, people with inferiority complexes do not behave modestly but, on
the contrary, often behave in an aggressive, patronizing, arrogant way in an
attempt to prove themselves. Finally, there is the possibility of withdrawing
into one’s shell and opting out.
Such patterns of behaviour can be disturbing enough when directed
towards someone else whom we see as ‘OK’. However, they have the
potential to become really vicious when someone, who does not him or
herself feel ‘OK’, takes the opportunity to prove him or herself at the expense
of someone whom he or she perceives to be also ‘not OK’. This is the
behaviour of the bully. It is also the behaviour of the manager who tries to
shift blame on to, or take advantage of, a weaker colleague.
In the top right-hand corner of the matrix we have the situation where I
may feel ‘OK’ but may find someone else ‘not OK’. This means that I do not
trust the other person or have confidence in his or her ability. Such an attitude
may be justified. However, there is the risk in a conflict situation that I am
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